Confessions of a Muscler

The wait's nearly over: The Muscler's Comeback

2010-06-06T21:31:00.005+01:00

So I've had lots of messages/complaints about the blog coming to an end, but I promised I'd be back in some shape or form as I've really missed the interaction (but I've still been writing some really great stuff nonetheless):

Gay8 is a new gay portal launching this summer brought to you myself and a handful of friends and characters from the blog including the bread lady and 12 inches. And it'll be free to use! Email info@gay8 to be added to the mailing list, add us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Confessions of a Muscler, the 6 part documentary based on my life, is currently in production and will be on your screens (in the Uk and Ireland) in 2011. Further casting opportunities available, info@gay8.co.uk to find out more.

Confessions of a Muscler (name to be finalised) the book based on my life will be out before the end of the year in time for Christmas. To pre-reserve your copy, email info@gay8.co.uk. This is going to be my first book and will no doubt be a one off. I've been working real hard on it and I hope you like it.

...so until then, don't forget to add us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

It's all really exciting and I hope that everyone will show the same support that you've shown me with the blog. And I hope that the new stuff I'm working on will not only entertain you but also help others who have struggled to find themselves, in the same way I did. But I'm now really really happy.

Until then, for you Glee lovers, here's a sample of some of the great content you'll be seeing on gay8:

gay holidays - are they any different to regular holidays? lol

2010-01-24T23:34:00.004Z

The Muscler is making a come-back, yes, but we won't be giving too much away...

In the meantime, I just wanted to write a quick post to say that I'm currently holiday hunting and having found some great deals ending this week on lastminute.com but am undecided about where to go away to this summer- any suggestions? I need to book in the next week so I'd appreciate your advice!!

I've put together my top 4 list of previous blog posts from trips around the world to keep you entertained in the meantime:

1. Ibiza
2. The Miami Gay Winter Festival
3. New York
4. Madrid Gay Pride

I'm hoping these posts help you pick your own gay holiday destination also!

the end

2009-10-15T13:28:00.003+01:00

i'm afraid this blog is coming to an end

im sorry

..the story will continue on Facebook though so please don't forget to add me:
Theo Muscler

Download the new Mariah Carey Album: Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel

2009-09-29T09:09:00.002+01:00

Here's the track listing, and click here to download it for free

Want to hear the new Mariah album?

Tracklist
01. Betcha Gon Know
02. Obsessed
03. H.A.T.E.U.
04. Candy Bling
05. Ribbon
06. Inseparable
07. Standing O
08. It’s A Wrap
09. Up Out My Face
10. Up Out My Face (The Reprise)
11. More Than Just Friends
12. The Impossible
13. The Impossible (The Reprise)
14. Angel (Prelude)
15. Angels Cry
16. Languishing (The Interlude)
17. I Want To Know What Love Is
18. Obsessed (Cahill Radio Mix)
19. Obsessed (Seamus Haji And Paul Emanuel Radio Edit)
20. Obsessed (Jump Smokers Radio Edit)
21. Obsessed (Friscia And Lamboy Radio Mix)

Shoot Me ...now?

2009-09-13T22:07:00.005+01:00

Courtesy of the boys at shootmeup.co.uk, here's a handful of the pics taken in our recent shoot...let me know what you think! (apologies it's taken so long, i've been meaning to get these up for the last few weeks)...hopefully this time next year I'll be on the cover of Maximuscle!!!

Has facebook replaced love?

2009-09-13T19:51:00.002+01:00

I was at soho live earlier today with some friends, and after wondering around the semi empty square, hungover after a big night on Saturday night at a rooftop penthouse party, I walked around with my friend beefcake when I got approached by a guy..

I've seen him out and about before, he's very goodlooking with his abs and pecs evident through his fitted gstar tshirt. Beefcake introduces us and he attempts to chat me up with the great line of "are u on facebook' to which I reply "yes". He then asks my name again as with his attention span being less than that of a haddock, we're getting nowhere, so I repeat my first name. He then asks for my full name to which I tell him "sorry I don't accept adds from people I don't know" to which he replies "well maybe we can get to know eachother better, come on what is it", to which i reply "i guess if it's meant to be youll guess it". What this guy wasn't getting was that although I'm not ready to date again, his poor attempt to get to know me better through facebook is pathetic. Why are we in such a rush? What happened to the good old days of phone numbers and love letters through the post. No more fast love and no more lame facebook chat-up lines please!

Speechless Love

2009-09-08T23:17:00.001+01:00

memories of my perfect angel...

2009-09-07T22:45:00.002+01:00

Checkout the new Mariah track 'I want to know what love is' taken from the forthcoming album 'Memories of an imperfect angel'.

Music helps make the pain go away

2009-08-25T23:34:00.003+01:00

In my attempt to get over the love of my life, ibiza boy, I have selected a few top tracks that remind me of him and my current feelings. After this post, i'm going to attempt to not mention him again. He will always be in my heart and in my life, and I hope that in the future he decides that I am the one he wants to genuinely be with, and then I can genuinely be happy again. No fake smiles and attempts to be social when deep down inside, I know that only one person knows the real me.

Tamar: If you don't wanna love me

Beyonce: Halo

Mc Solaar: La belle et le bad boy

Toni Braxton: Another Sad Love Song

Or see the version by Christina Aguilera as a teen for a real shock!

Jordin Sparks: One Step at a Time

Vanessa Williams: Colors of the Wind

Charice: Fingerprint

Brandy: Have you ever

Another song worth checking out is Piano Man...this reminds me of him...

Mariah Carey: Petals

Three's a Crowd

2009-08-21T22:41:00.002+01:00

I've just come home from an evening that was meant to cheer me up, but left me feeling more lonely than i've ever felt before. I had arranged to go meet s friend for a nice night in with a dvd and some take away. But when I met her she had a friend that she had not seen in a while. And whilst I was welcome to join, it was clear that they should spend time together. So i left them to it and went to meet my friend for a drink. We get to the bar and turns out he's meeting a friend. Well not a friend, a date. I stand there as they snog... and I dont mean just a kiss. I mean a full on french croissant snog. I stood there feeling out of place like an idiot for a few minutes, and once they were on snog number 4, i walked off, unnoticed and have head home...and now we're here..

Edit, Undo

2009-08-19T00:50:00.003+01:00

Don't you just sometimes wish you could have another chance. Edit, undo the past and decide whether the path you took was the best route. I have this fear of never being able to go back. Never being able to fix things. And never having my chance to be with him, or love, again.

New Tunes!

2009-08-17T21:21:00.004+01:00

Ok so i've been listening to music to help me get over my recent heartache and have tried where possible to avoid listening to soppy songs...so here's a list of my top tracks at the moment!

Shakira: She Wolf

Sexy, sexy song, a great comeback track, very addictive!

Madonna: Heartbeat

Another great comeback track from sexy old bag Madonna- a great clubbing track, bound to go to number 1

Mariah Carey: Obsessed

Mariah carey is also back with obsessed, a song about Eminem (as you can see from the video). Her previous track about Eminem 'Clown' clearly did nothing since he released Bagpipes from Baghdad- a great response from Mariah on this and less harsh than Eminem, where she tells her husband "Nick Canon you prick, I wish you luck with the fucking whore". Nice! I still love Eminem, but I love Mariah more!

Beyonce: Ego (Ok Dac remix)

I'm not that keen ont eh original but loving this mix!

Melanie Fiona: Give it to me right (dance mix)

Set to be the the next big thing on the scene, loving this mix!

Elektro Junkies featuring Therese: Neon Lights

A very tacky video, but a catchy track that you really can't get out your head!

Sgt Slick: Right In The Night (Club Mix)

The song of the summer in 2010! Yes, give it a listen and there's loads of version. It starts good when the guitars strings kick in!

Ginuwine featuring Timbaland + missy Elliot

Another comeback artists. This former pony singer is back with this sexy Timbaland produced track...awesome!

Black eyes peas: Meet me halfway

My favourite song from the new Black Eyed Peas album and my favourite track fromt he album..

Lumanni: Hot or Cold

You won't have heard of her and no doubt she won't make much noise, but I think the song deserves a good listen ;)

Justin + Lil Wayne: Heard Something

So we don't have the full trakc but sexy JT is making a comeback and what a track!!!

The Truth: Shattered Heart

2009-08-14T09:56:00.001+01:00

In your arms I feel right at home
That’s the feeling I ain’t felt before
If you’re feeling the same way then let me know
Cos there’s nothing worse than being in love alone

Is it true that I’m not the only one?
Is it true that you’re just having fun with my heart?
I need an answer
Is it true, is it true?

You’re my angel that was sent to earth
In your eyes I see my future
I can’t be without you so it’s got to work
Goodbyes not an option so don’t say a word

Is it true that I’m not the only one
Is it true that you’re just having fun with my heart
I need an answer
Is it true, is it true?

I’ve never been a victim of love before
So I’m not sure what I should be looking for
But I know the signs are in my face
Hope it’s not to late to change
Your mind and make you wanna stay

Is it true that I’m not the only one
Is it true that you’re just having fun with my heart
I need an answer
Is it true, is it true

Is it true that I’m not the only one?
Is it true that you’re just having fun with my heart?
I need an answer (tell me!)
Is it true, is it true

If you just can’t tell me the truth
it wasn’t real when you said I love you

I had it, now i've lost it

2009-08-11T04:08:00.002+01:00

It's 4.04am as a I write this post and I can't sleep. Just over 4.5 hours ago I got into bed, sad and alone. The happiness I've been feeling over the last few months has gone and my heart has been crushed since my first ever love decided to end it all.

So I left my window open tonight, to remind me of him, but I shivered without his warmth. Tears dropped down my cheek as i push the other big pillows away that we never needed, but then I realise I need them to hold without having him to hold. To keep me warm. And to help me seek assurance as I squeeze them that I'll be ok and tomorrow will be a better day, despite lacking my missing ingredient for happiness.

I often speak of love but had never really experienced it. Now I have,and I know what it's like to be in love. I also know what it's like to have something and lose it overnight and the pain delivered in return when these feelings aren't mutual.

My heart beats no more and without him I don't think I'll ever be the same

Crazy Face Gaga!

2009-07-02T15:21:00.000+01:00

Ok so I stumbled across this video which I think is hilarious, it takes a minute or so til it really starts but whether you like Lady Gaga or you not, this should crack you up!

What did you think?

A happy ending

2009-07-01T21:39:00.006+01:00

I look into his eyes, and feel his arms around me, and I feel special, happy....

Hello Readers,

I woke up this morning in the arms of the one I love,
It's not a dream I tell him "I love u",
And he reciprocates those words.

Part of me thinks this can't be true or that something bad will happen -I mean could I genuinely be this happy? And it's at that point I realise that things aren't as bad as they seem, and i'm now the happiest boy in the world.

We speak about our future together, our plans to move in together, to have gaybies together and he doesn't even flinch or cringe -infact he smiles.

I'm sorry i vanished on you, but when I met my special someone, I decided that it was unfair on him to disclose information about our sex life etc. But we're going to make it up to you, I promise...

We have been working together on a project (take a guess what it is!!!) and will be launching it over the next few weeks. To be kept up to date, add us on Facebook (search for muscler1@gmail.com or Theo Muscler).

So i'm making a comeback - better than Britney Spears after she'd gone all fatty like, so watch this space!

Hope you're all well, I miss y'all and will keep y'all posted on all!!!

Regards,
TM.

PS: RIP Michael Jackson, we love you and in memory of you, i'd like to post one of my favourite Michael Jackson song's, "Butterflies"

Ciara is a transexual? True or false?

2009-04-05T23:47:00.006+01:00

Ok so I heard a rumour this weekend about hot awesome rnb singer Ciara. And I was particularly shocked as I've met her 2 years ago and it must be a lie. Ok so rumour has it that Ciara was born a boy and is infact a transexual!

So I tried to lookup some pics of this young diva to try and spot an Adams apple or pair of balls but i struggled...

So I tried to find some clues in her songs and found some interesting lyrics among the songs "like a boy"

So Ciara- a very convincing tranny? Or a beautiful amazing singer who had been the victim of false crap gossip?

Either way I'll leave you with 2 new Ciara songs I really like - the first is with Enrique and the seconds with sexy Justin Timberlake!

Oh and if you need a laugh, watch this video!! (If Ciara was a fat transexual- this is what she would look like!..damn she can dance!!)

Miami: Muscle Marys, Offer Nissim @ Mansion & The NYC Plastics

2009-04-02T00:39:00.000+01:00

During my time in Miami there were a mix of good and bad experiences...

Overall I realized that being surrounded by hot sweaty steroid injected muscle boys with small balls off their tits on g dancing to awful head thumping music isn't my idea of fun. I'd rather be in a bar with my friends dancing to Lady Gaga and having a laugh and doing tequila shots whilst eating haribo for that added sugar rush and enjoying the energy of the non sweaty friends around me..

Ok so how do I sum up 4 days in Miami in one post & explain my depression since my return? Well here u go...

So I arrive in Miami after a flight with a very sweet uk born Jewish girl (yes i'm not sat with my friend due to political reasons I won't go into). We have a lot in common, she liked my haribo and I munched on some of her muffin as we watched slumdog millionaire...

This pic was taken outside Miami airport- I love it!

So I'm in Miami for the gay winter festival. My friend & I had bought gold passes which entitled us entry to several parties including an odd leather/fetish one that we didn't go to...

So you'll be shocked to hear that I actually behaved in Miami -yes I was a good boy. Why u may ask? Well it was a mixture of reasons-the main one being that despite there being hot bodies in Miami and pretty faces, I'm looking for much more than that...

So we started our 1st night in a bar before heading to the club night. At this bar I see the 2 hottest boys I've ever seen. They might as well have taken 2 copies of Men's Health and done something magical to bring them to life just like in that movie weird science. They smile at me & flag me to come over.so I nervously approach them and we get talking. Within minutes they tell me "you're hot, wanna join us in the toilet". My initial reaction is that I don't need to pee, "we wanna get on our knees and blow you" the bigger hot tattooed covered lad tells me.

Tempted by the offer to sit back & relax, as these 2 hot boys are on their knees blowing me, their muscular thighs deep in this piss covered floors where tons of men that night would have entered to pee, take a dump, hump or do coke, I tell them I don't want to leave my friend & take a rain cheque... Damn though they were hot...maybe I am a lesbian...

Anyway, back to the trip...

So I went to several different parties: a club on the friday night, a pool party on saturday afternoon, another club on saturday night, a beach party sunday afternoon, and an awesome party on sunday night.

Ok so where do I start?...

The Circuit Party:

Lots of rooms but as it was on the night before the pool party, it wasn't too busy as the boys were back in their hotel room eating protein and doing stomach crunches whilst deciding which vest to wear (which will come off in 30 seconds anyway!). Good music but I was a little sleepy after landing.

The pool party:

How do I sum this up? Ok lots of muscle boys in speedos off their tits. So everyone's dancing around the pool- i'm a little confused why no-one would actually get in the pool though- a bit disappointing really...I was the only one drinking in the club. I'm approached by a group of 3 boys who I met in New York. They're friendly and live in New York, oh and hot (but they know it). After meeting them I was warned by my friend's friend who lives in NY also to stay away from 'the plastics'. Apparently they're fake and bad news...do they read this blog? Probably! But it all seemed a little bitchy to me so I ignored the 'warning'...

The Saturday night party (which I can't remember)...ok I actually don't remember this party so it can't have been that good!

The Beach party:

Ok this was brilliant. I was given a VIP pass on arrival as the boys loved the british accent and had free access to booze. As the only drinker there no doubt, I was drunk within minutes and dancing on the podium. There were other hot dancers on there so we took turns... =)

Mansion with Offer Nissim:

Ok this was my favourite evening party. I'm not a big fan of house music but for the first time I heard Offer Nissim and fell in love with his/her music. Absolutely awesome.

The next pic highlights the hot sweaty disgustingly perfect sweat (because of G) overload dripping off some of these steroided bodies..

ok so overall I had some fun, but when I was out there despite being with crowds I felt lonely. It's the same when i'm in London, I have great family and friends but without having that special someone to cuddle me at night and keep me warm, eat my tomatoes when I don't want them in a restaurant, or feed me haribo as we're cuddled up to a movie...without that special someone, i've nothing. So my mission is to find it and fix ME! I won't ask you how as surely only I can work this one out...

The real question is - can you spot me in the pictures? Yes i'm in 2 of the above pics- but where am I? answers on a postcard please!

In memory of...

2009-03-15T01:15:00.005Z

yes i'll be writing about my crazy times at the miami winter festival but i just want to take 5 minutes out and listen to this song in memory of the 3 people dear to me that i have lost in the past 5 months...

In the meanwhile I'd like to thank everyone for their emails of concern and messages. I'm not sure how but I'll be working through this and had a weekend where I tried to not think about it all

I'm sorry but i'm in tears as I write this..

2009-03-13T00:52:00.003Z

basically i'm confused
my head's messed up
and i don't know what to do
the last few months i've gone through a mix of stages of depression and even potentially trying things to end this sadness
i'm having panic attacks again and at times i just want to sleep and never wake up
just maybe that's what i need
but i couldn't do it to everyone
as i know i have some great people that care about me
but maybe it's time i think about myself and what i want
but truth is i don't know
yes i come across fine to everyone but i'm far from it and i genuinely don't know what to do
im not happy & cant even think of the last time i was happy
i haven't had a happy days in years
and i'm getting worse and worse as the days go on
as everyone follows the marriage-> baby-> happiness routine
...i'm alone
i'm not crazy
i'm confused
i'm not sure if i ever told you but the only person i trusted and spoke to about my issues was a therapist
who i spent 4 months in court with after a sexual harassment case that he was cleared on
so ashe continues to 'mentor' boys on their sexuality
i'm receiving the pressures around me to lead a normal life
maybe Mary is the one for me
maybe with her these problems will go
i dont know what i'm doing
part of me wants to run away and work it out
whilst part of me wants to hide and never speak to anyone for a while
i'm genuinely confused
i just want to be normal
and have what everyone else has
yes u can say ur here for me and when u see me i'll act normal and fine
but truth is i'm not and i wanna end this all

The Muscler to do the Miami Winter Festival

2009-02-19T17:20:00.005Z

After such great feedback on my reviews of New York, Ibiza and Madrid, it's been suggested that I visit Miami. Yes, the land of hotties. So as recommended by my Facebook fans, why not next week for the gay Winter Party Festival? So i'm all booked up and going with my nuts fun friend 'Fun Bobby'.

So i'm training hard, eating good and making sure i'm in top shape for those pictures no doubt i'll be taking to show you! My flower may remain untouched out there but no doubt there will be some tongue action... or at least me perving on some hotties... actually, screw it, i'm letting myself go and i'm going to have a blast.

Knock knock

2009-02-10T15:49:00.001Z

So it's valentines day. I wakeup alone and run downstairs as with Xmas day like my empty tree I look at the ground by my grey floormat and puma trainers and it's empty.

Ok so it's only the 10th February but i’m pre-empting Valentine's day from my previous experiences of having never received anything and I decide to contact the Royal Mail to make a complaint. Not that it’s their fault that i’m a pathetic loser who scares away anyone that gets close to me by wanting to marry them within 30 seconds, but because I need to blame someone and it won't b myself...

But I didn’t realise how hard it is to make a complaint to The Royal Mail. I mean, it’s not easy. And it’s not under their FAQs. I did find this article however that was quite funny.

But they seriously don’t want you to complain- how off-putting is this process for complaint – click here

I do find a complaints email though and decide to make a complaint. The letter reads:

--------------

Dear Royal Mail,

I have been a loyal customer for many years, both giving and receiving, and am disappointed in having to write this letter. However, I would like to avoid the rush of complaints from other sad single losers and complain about my lack of Valentine’s cards and gifts for 2009. And no I won’t send myself one.

Regards,
The Muscler
mrmuscler@gmail.com
--------------

So the real question is, what do I do for valentine’s day?
Shoot myself?
Go out and get drunk and go ‘on the pull’ with friends?
Or stay at home eating pizza and haribo and watch a DVD...alone

There's More to Supermartxe than just the Coat Queues!

2009-02-08T22:21:00.002Z

So I arrive at Supermartxe London with a group of friends and after our last visit where we were put off by the coat queues, we hoped things would have improved...had they? Well, rather than being just 1 coat check, there were now two. But the queues remained ridiculous. The indoor coat queue was incredibly long, so we decided to freeze our big hairy balls off and stand out in the cold. Aferall, it's probably about the most action my balls have had this year, so why not? So we queue and the bouncer on a power trip decides to change it from a traditional English single file queue to what he called a 'snake'. What this means, basically is that a little group of coke headed fag hags could push in front of us- to which the bouncer said 'yes but it's a snake'. I'm glad that he knew his animals, maybe he should look-up donkey in the dictionary.

So 1 hour 7 minutes later my coat is in and I try not to think about the queue when leaving. The place is huge but it's packed and I need a drink. The drinks are pricey and weak in their little cups and it makes me realise why people do drugs - i have a few drinks but despite having not eaten for 14 hours so that my abs stick out, i'm still sober. As always with these clubs and club nights I don't notice the music around me, and then I start seeing some of the entertainment which broke from the monotonous sounds and got the crowds going. I mean the vibe and buzz when classic songs like Like a Virgin and Rollin came on was unreal and it made me wonder, why aren't these songs ever playing all night long at these circuit style parties. Surely those off their tits wouldn't even notice the difference.

So what do these clubs need to change?

1. Lower the price of drinks or have open bar ticket options to discourage drug taking
2. Introduce haribo candy as a replacement to drugs
3. Hire coat check staff that know what they're doing and make them move faster!
4. Play more old school music or mix it up a little. Introducing these taster songs during performances highlighted that there was more to Supermarche than just coat queues and g in the loos
5. Keep the great performances going including hunky brazilian boys with their willies out!

Now, you may have noticed that i've been distant from the blog recently- reasons? Yes you guessed it, the one. He's confused me with his feelings and what's more confusing is that a so called friend is after him too. This so called friend who i'll called WANKER for obvious reasons denied having spoken to him on the phone, texted or had any other form of communication with him aside from the odd email and facebook message. To which the one said otherwise. The one is honest and is the only guy out there i can see myself with. and thats why im scared. i realised last night who my friends are. Very few were in Supermartxe. I have friends ive known my whole life- if i'm down they'll notice. If i cry, they;ll give me a hug. And if I need them they're there. The one left with the Wanker shortly after arriving at Supermartxe and seeing the coat check queue - apparently both were tired and there was no invite for me to accompany them. They supposedly went home separately but I don't trust them. So i'm in Supermartxe and i'm alone. Yes there are people around me from my gym or facebook, but none who know me well enough to know that I was fighting against my tears falling. I text a couple of friends that I trust and know i'd have fun with to take my mind away from it all, but I have no joy in finding them. So, as always, I head home, alone, with tears dropping down my pale cheeks as i'm sat in the cab of some guy who clearly doesn't even have a drivers license from his crazy driving. I get him to drop me off by a chinese run 'Authentic Kebab & Chip Shop' where I get a large bag of french fries (yes the carbs!) and head home, hoping to sleep and never wake up again) or atleast not until after valentines.

Another year alone for the muscler

Yes Yes Yes

2009-01-30T21:18:00.000Z

Yes I'm down
Yes I'm lonely
Yes I'm single
Yes I'm confused
Yes I still love the one
Yes I don't know what I'm doing with my life
Yes I hate valentines
Yes I've booked Miami
Yes I've booked 4 more holidays over the next 12 months as per the gayest cities poll on my blog
Yes I hate bouncers on a power trip
Yes I hate London lite paper people trying to force the paper in my hand
Yes I hate joint bank accounts
Yes I hate being alone...

The One

2009-01-29T22:02:00.000Z

We are the crowd,
We're c-coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you
It's so magical
We'd be so fantastical

T-shirt and jeans a watch on my wrist,
Not sure what it means,
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights,
Cause you know that you, the one, i

Im your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi,
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that i'll be your
Papa-paparazzi

Promise i'll be kind,
But i won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

I'll be your baby
Backstage at your show,
Velvet ropes and guitars,
Yeah cause you'll know
I'm staring between the sets
Loving eyes and cigarettes

Shadow is burnt
Yellow dance and return
My lashes are dry
But with teardrops I cry
It don't have a price
Loving you is cherry pie
'Cause you know that baby I

Im your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi,
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that i'll be your
Papa-paparazzi

Promise i'll be kind,
But i won't stop until the one is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Real good
(We dance in the studio)
Snap, snapped
(That xxxx on the radio)

Don't stop boy, rewind
We'll blast it but we'll still have fun!

Im your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi,
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that i'll be your
Papa-paparazzi

Promise i'll be kind,
But i won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Allegria in New York…it even smelt like steroids

2009-01-22T21:46:00.002Z

Is it possible for a club to smell like steroids? Well I’m not even sure if steroids have a scent. Either way, Allegria smelt like steroids. The club was full of big hot muscle boys, some overly muscled due to steroid overdose. Combined with good music, a good venue (Pascha in New York) and a good majority of the club on G, this was a party that many New Yorkers had been looking forward to and working out extra hard for for months.

My London friend 12 inches introduced me via Facebook to his sweet friend, a Brazilian guy who lives in New York. So we head to a couple of bars in Hells Kitchen for a drink and then head in a cab to Allegria. We are on guestlist and have VIP entry so head to the lounge area where we help ourselves to mini muffins and drinks. So as I’m stood there eating the mini muffins, I’m surrounded by some of the hottest bodies I’ve ever seen, and I’m, well I’m a little more natural in comparison, eating away like a little fatty. 6 mini double chocolate chip muffins later, I head over to the balcony with my friend and we watch a performance which was pretty cool. Then strangely someone steps up to me, shirt off and hot. He gives me a hug and kiss...the boi that has ignored me in London but now we're in New York he says hi...yes you guessed it, it was American Boi.

We then dance a little in a room with a 99.83% ratio of tops off and I’m feeling very self conscious. The idea of steroids becomes more appealing and I slouch more and more as my head digs deeper and deeper into my upper chest as my confidence drops to an all time low. I need to get out of there. I need to put my tshirt on. I need to go. Where’s the exit? Wait, I see the sign. I need to go. Wait I need my coat. Where’s my coat? Wheres the clockroom? There it is. “TM” I mumble to the cloakroom man. I take my coat, and get the hell out of there. The bouncer attempts to stamp me, informing me that it would go on for another 10 hours at least, but I ignore him and like Mr Gump I run....

The Night The Muscler is Transformed into a Prince

2009-01-21T23:10:00.003Z

Ok so before I continue with where I left off about NYC, i'd like to apologise about being offline so long. My Mac had died and after going back to the Apple repair centre they finally repaired it! I promise I won't go missing for so long again! Those on my facebook will have had the updates etc, but if you're not on there, add me (theo muscler) or email me and i'll add you- mrmuscler@gmail.com...

The Night The Muscler is Transformed into a Prince

Ok so I’m at a party on new years eve where I’m approached by a man- I will name him The Silver Fox. Ok he’s not quite a silver fox (by silver fox I mean like really old but hot- e.g., Richard Gere, Clint Eastwood, that husband of the blonde bird in Desperate Housewives who once played a tranny in a movie) but he’s an attractive cute nice man in his 40s. So he approaches me and we get talking. He knows my friends who spoke highly of him and he asks me about my plans for the next few nights. He then asks if I’m free for dinner the next evening. “Sure, why not”, I tell him.

Ok so I get a call the following day at 11am, hungover I pickup and he tells me that a car will be coming to pick me up at 1pm – I mean in all honesty I’ve never been impressed by money but this was like wow. “Why 1pm?” I ask, to which he responds “you’ll see”. So reception call me at 1pm and inform me that my limo is waiting for me outside. Having never been in a limo before, I’m very excited and my first 15 minutes are spent taking pictures of me by the limo, in the limo, on the limo, etc. The driver was not amused.

Anyway, we then head to [fancy 5 star hotel – will remain un-named to avoid giving away too much] for a 90 minute massage and spa treatment. It was amazing, I then step outside where the limo is still waiting for me. “Do you have a dinner jacket sir” the driver asks me, to which I respond “what?”. Yes for the dinner tonight I can’t just go in jeans and trainers, I need to wear a proper smart jacket, shoes etc. So the driver, who we’ll call Jeffrey, takes me to 5th Avenue. And as I run into the stores for a pair of trousers, a shirt, a dinner jacket and shoes, he’s driving up down and around 5th Avenue waiting for me as I shop. I felt like Victoria Beckham, but without the hot hubby, anorexia, pig nose, dog face, fake boobs, wide open vagina (or any vagina infact) and lack of personality and brain.

I step out with my shopping and the driver returns me to my hotel and waits for 67 minutes while I shower, shave and get myself looking like a prince after the amazing treatment I’ve had. And the day hasn’t even ended. I step out and the driver is stood waiting for me. He opens the door and inside awaits me the silver fox. Yes he had his driver drop him off. There’s a bottle of champagne awaiting us so we drink a glass, next stop the theatre district. Yes we are firstly going to see a show – Wicked. Yes Wicked. We of course have the most amazing seats, watch an awesome show and then step out with the limo awaiting us. We are then taken to the restaurant- Bouley. Have I heard of Bouley before? No but Bouley Bouley me was it fancy. The place smelt of apples as we walked in and all of the staff had a sexy french accent, similar to that of my dream man Pierre..argh, Pierre.

Ok so we eat a mixture of dishes including haddock, lamb, beef and it was amazing. Sod nandos half chicken and spicy rice, this was yum. Ok so I get a real chance to speak to the silver fox at this point. He’s genuinely a very nice man, and although the food was amazing and the other things like the massage and the show, and of course the limo, I would have been just as happy going to Whole Foods (Whole Foods is the best, especially when you can have Jamba Juice on the side!). So The Silver Fox was nice to talk to and just plain nice, which you don’t seem to get anymore. I enjoyed his company, and the night ended with us heading to Splash in the limo via my hotel so I could dress down before meeting my friends for a dance and a chance to tell them about my amazing day…

So I was a prince for around 15 hours and it felt great =) I could certainly get used to it, but just as much as I like to be spoilt, I like to do the same for others…one day I’ll find my Pierre…

PS: If anyone would like guestlist for MusclerMondays at Sweatbox, London, this Monday 26th January 2009 at Sweatbox, email me at mrmuscler@gmail.com for half price guestlist. So come use the full gym facilities including the gym, weights room, spa, jacuzzi, steam room, sauna and not only will I be there, but various models and porn stars (yes!)...this is the official launch night for MusclerMondays so I hope to see you all there! I will be the one behaving no doubt...

The Muscler Does New York - Kids Watch Paris Hilton Blow, The Hot Porn Star and The Stiffy!

2009-01-12T22:37:00.009Z

Ok so I’ve returned from new york and you’re keen to know what I got up to no doubt. After attempting to write a day by day, I decide to highlight the top stories of the week and have broken these down:

Bread lady and the Muscler do the Sex Museum

So it’s new years day and my phone vibrates. It’s 11.06am. It’s Bread lady and we had arranged to meet at Schiers for brunch. I head in a cab there and after downing a nice club sandwich, fries and a couple of glasses of champers, we head to the sex museum. So after watching animal sex including a gorilla tossing off, we head to the next floor and are astounded to see a family sat watching something in amazement on the big screen. We’re curious to see what was so interesting. A Chinese girl who must have been 6 or 7 munches or her chicken chow mein whilst she watches with a pretty blank face ad a straw of noddles hanging from her cheek, glaring at the big screen. So we take a look at what’s caught everyone’s attention on the screen…and yes, you guessed it, baby making. But not just any baby making. It’s Paris Hilton blowing some big dicked bloke. So why would you take your children there?

THE BOYS

- The porn star

Ok so I had a comment on the blog from some chump who said something along the lines of “why do I wanna hear about you meeting a porn star when I can meet one from the back of QX mag”…very true yes, you can order an escort/porn star from one of those magazines, in the same way that you can do just about anything that I’m doing in my blog. Nothing is out of the ordinary simply because it’s real. And if it’s not interesting enough for you, don’t read it or read a fictional blog as no doubt it will be more exciting than mine.

Sorry I just had to release there..Ok so back to the porn star. So I walk into Mr Blacks on my first Friday night in new york after a few drinks at the chelsea hotel and I see this guy. He’s big. I mean, seriously huge and amazingly hot. We had spoken recently on facebook and after a few vodkas, I decide to approach him. I felt like a smurf stood beside him, I mean he's huge. And my drunken self says “I kind of wanted to do steroids at one point, but decided against it because I don’t want my nuts to shrink”.. To which the hottie responds “You don’t’ fuck with your nuts”. The guy is hot and smells like sex, i mean, it’s practically oozing off him. I almost didn’t wanna get too close in case I got impregnanted. And If I did what would they look like? Well they'd be hot... At this point I didn’t realise he was a porn star. So after a brief chit chat with the hot, nice and genuinely friend porn star,I head to the bar. At which point I’m approached by 2 guys, “You don’t wanna go there honey” one of them warns me, “he’s bad news”. I thank them, and decide to make my own decisions. They come back to me and the other asks me “where are you from?”, to which I reply “London”. The bitchy steroid boy then looks me up and down and says “Don’t they have gyms in London”. Yes, bitchy!

- Stiffler

Ok so I met ‘stiffler’ at Splash club in Chelsea. The reason for the name is that the cute 23 year old hottie looked like stiffler from American pie (sean william scott) and had a constant hard on around me (or maybe its around everyone). He’s very cute and lives in San Francisco. We spend the next day together, shopping and ice skating at the Rockefeller Center. I plan to keep in touch with him and who knows what the future holds.

- The drug dealer

So it’s my final night and I’m at Mr Blacks and I’m approached by a super hottie. He’s very goodlooking, fit and has a nice smile. He’s italian, from brooklyn so has a very sexy masculine accent. He wants me to come back to his, after he has finished his ‘business’ – yes he’s a dealer. Nice eh? Well at least he can fund for our kids – Zoltan, Muscler Junior and Tristan.

- The coatcheck guy

Ok so I’m leaving the club and I see the hottest guy ever. He asks my initials, I tell him TM, he passes me my coat. He has a nervous smile similar to mine. But there’s a queue a mile long of people wanting to leave the club so no chance of speaking to coactcheck guy, who’s initials I didn’t catch. So I walk away and my friend runs back and asks for his number. Being my last night I didn’t message him though, but I’m tempted to do so form the UK. He was amazingly hot!

The New York Review continues tomorrow.
Coming up…

- The night the Muscler is transformed into a prince
- The Muscler makes a good friend
- The Muscler does David Bartons

The Muscler Returns from NYC

2009-01-06T22:13:00.004Z

Ok so i'm back from new york. I've landed and i'm tired so i'll need to update you in full tomorrow...

But to sum up, it was 10 days of fun with muscle boys, meeting the hottest porn star...ever, watching a 6 year old chinese girl watch paris hilton give a blow job whilst eating a chicken chow mein (seriously), meeting the hottest ginger guy ever (yes american redheads are hot!) and a night where the muscler was transformed into a prince for the most expensive date in the world with a silver fox.

Watch this space...oh and of course there will be photos!

All I want for Christmas is…you?

2008-12-25T22:06:00.000Z

Ok so I’ve been a good boy and surely I deserve to get what I’ve asked for from Santa, right? So I head downstairs in my pyjamas on Christmas day and look under the tree and I have two gifts – yes a whole two! The first is in a box, so I shake it. Maybe what I’ve asked santa for is in there? But a package that small I doubt! So what’s in the box?
It feels light- I open it and there’s lots of tissue paper surrouding a gift voucher card for selfridges! So I’ll look forward to spending that at the Selfridges boxing day sale! But still not quite what I asked for. So I go to gift number too, maybe what I’ve asked for is in here. I unwrap it slowly to see if it’s what I wanted. It’s a pair of pyjamas. They’re cute and will keep me warm at night, but not as warm as the gift I wanted.

So what did I want under my tree this christmas? (preferably in a box, not too big, not too small, with holes in it for breathing),…yes you guessed it, a boyfriend! So I spend the rest of the day with my family, and it’s a nice day with lots of food (with protein shakes and bars in between). And I’m getting ready for bed in my new pyjamas and will look forward to jetting off to New York for new years. So I may not have got a boyfriend for Christmas, and I wont get one in New York…I’ll get lots (yes I’m thinking positive for once!).

So my question to you is have u been good? And have you got what you asked for?

Wishing you a great Christmas & new years!

The Muscler To Take Over New York

2008-12-24T01:13:00.003Z

Ok so The Muscler will be visiting New York to continue his search for the perfect man and here's the agenda:

Friday 26th Dec

Star Lounge @ Chelsea Hotel, Club Rush & Mr. Blacks

Saturday 27th December

Pre Drinks: Ritz / Therapy
Splash
Rush
Mr. Blacks

Sunday 28th Dec

New Party @ Van Dams & Park
Allegria

Sunday 29th December

TBC

30th Dec

B Bar
Splash

31st December (New Years Eve)

Vynl (Hell's Kitchen) / Vlada (Hell's Kitchen) / Rush (Chelsea)
Saint at Large

1st Jan

Splash

2nd Jan

TBC

3rd Jan

Theatre
TBC

MusclerMondays

2008-12-21T20:44:00.001Z

MusclerMondays

Ok so the new night Muscler Mondays has finally launched. Ok so what is it? Well it’s a chance to workout at new gay gym and sauna in central London SweatBox and if you email me mrmuscler@gmail.com for guestlist, you can get in for half price.

So what is it? Well it’s a chance to join me and my hot friends for a workout, jacuzzi, steam, shower and spa session. The big night will launch in January but the 2nd unofficial MusclerMondays night will take place tomorrow at Sweatbox and readers have the exclusive chance to come for half price at just £10…. so interested?

So how is Muscler Mondays different from the regualar nights and other party nights? Well Sweatbox run party nights Hunger on Friday nights and Splash on Saturdays (you can also email me for guestlist for these too for discount entry). So the night is designed to give you a chance to user the gym for half the price on the busiest gym night of the week and of course potentially have some fun or perve on hotties whilst you train or relax in the spa area – I’d only do this in underwear or swim trunks, but clothing is optional! In comparison Sweatbox’s Hunger and Splash nights are more late night club nights about being naughty and having fun rather than working out and getting hot and sweaty.

Ok so you’re probably wondering how the last one went and what I got up to… But at the same time I don’t want to give my identity away. And as there were a few guys who could pass as body doubles for the muscler, it’s best I do’t give too much information but just tell you that I did misbehave!

There will once again be body doubles so if you think you’ve seen me, you may be mistaken! So email me now mrmuscler@gmail.com for guestlist!

The Muscler Goes Under the Knife...

2008-12-18T13:19:00.003Z

Well, not quite, but after considering steroids and deciding against, I decide to turn to legal supplements for my body transformation (does anyone know of any protein filled candy- like proper haribo style jelly sweets not protein bars?!)...maybe this needs to be my new invention....

Anyway, so after trying No Xplode and having No Joy, I found BSN's Nitrix worked quite well and gave me more energy when training in addition to making me feel pumped, but I thought I'd take the advice of my readers and seek expert advice from the professionals at www.massage-etc.org and boy do they know their stuff!

So they analyse my workout regimes and routines, my diet and put together the best package for me which comprises of the All Stars Package (which i've gained 4kg after 2 weeks and i'm finding i can lift more in the gym and am generally feeling more pumped whilst keeping my abs ripped. so maybe by the time i get to NYC i can look like superman! Plus you get a free shirt! Yes, however it's like XXXL size so I'd need to massively beef up to get in it.

So going back to No Xplode, if you do use it like a lot of people I know do, this website offers the cheapest rate I found for this and other bsn supplements plus as a Muscler reader you receive a 5% discount (simply enter Muscler under the discount code for your 5% discount) which means more money for haribo/nandos or anything else that brings you jot. But for me it simply didn't work- it messed up my sleep patterns and drove my heart insane, which I really don't want to be messing around with at the mo!

5% off supplements at http://www.massage-etc.org - simply enter muscler into the discount code for 5% off your supplements order- whether it be BSN supplements or All Stars or even protein bars & cookies!

Can I add that I receive ZERO commission and no payment from these companies on my website and these discounts are just things i'd like to offer my readers. If you don't believe me ask them yourself.

Yes i'd like to order a non vegetarian, non ginger new flatmate please!

2008-12-15T16:04:00.002Z

Ok so it's Sunday evening and how've I spent my day? Well it's been a productive one...I got up at 9.30am despite having been to 2 house parties on Saturday night to celebrate Xmas and watch Alexandra win X factor surrounded by screaming boys.

So it's 9.30am, I have a light breakfast and a protein shake and go for a jog around the local park. I then head home, shower (naked) and tidy my flat in preparation for some interrogation as I interview a potential new flatmate.

Ok so I own a central London flat & you'd think finding a decent flatmate would be easy right? Nope, it's hell. it's harder than finding a boyfriend.

So what's my objective? Well ideally he/she will need to be clean, like to cook for others (ie, me), have a career that's useful to me -eg works at Nandos, is a hairdresser, works for g-star, drinks strawberry flavoured cyclone and makes me some too, works for an airline etc etc. Ideally he's attractive but not too attractive... Afterall I don't want to see him coming out of the shower every morning and want to make babies with him.

So potential flatmate 1 arrives. He's Ginger...it's awkward, what do I say? I mean, I don't want ginger pubes left in the shower and he looked like the kind of person who would do it deliberately -and nobody wants to live with a ginger rebel. Please note though that I do not discriminate against ginger people.

So potential flatmate 2 arrives. He's a dancer. Ok not much benefit to me here but let's not be selfish. I guess he could dance and entertain my friends when they come round. He's about 5ft 10 toned cute but not too cute shaved hair nice blue eyes.he enjoys working out, so all is going well until we start talking about restaurants. So I mention the best ever, Nandos to which he replies "I've never been to Nandos, I'm a vegetarian". At this point I'm furious he's wasted 12 minutes of my Sunday so I question him about it, to which he says "I eat some meat, I like sausage" as he looks down at my bulging crotch (not sure why I said bulging here, but I'm proud of what I've got so why not boast it eh?). Ok so he's never been Nandos, doesn't eat chicken and is a slimeball. So goodbye number 2!

Ok so number 3 arrives and wow I mean he was hot beyond belief. An Israeli personal trainer and model. He's a complete charmer. He loves meat, doesn't look at my bulge, and confirms he's not Ginger deep down (I would have been happy to check)... Ok this is what I mean, muscler behave!! But could I live with someone like this (shared showers, cuddles every night)...

So back to square one to readvertise my flat & see what I find! Wish me luck...

Thou Shalt Not Make The Boys Run Away

2008-12-12T14:12:00.008Z

Ok so i've decided that i'm constantly getting dumped for certain reasons - the major one being that i'm scaring boys off. I want a husband SO SO bad that i'm getting overly keen and as a result, like george porgy, they run away. I'm staying with my morals and saving my flower for my Mr Right, but will have fun on the way and will take life less seriously.

As a result, though shalt not:

- Be a bug a boo

If a boy says he'll call at 7pm if it gets to 7.01pm, don't give in and call. And if i do call, don't be a lesbian and tell him off! For a real definition of a bug-a-boo, click here and Destiny's Child will help explain!

- Settle for less than the best

If a boy asks for my number/asks me out, I won't say yes out of being desperate, I will say no unless he's real hot or more importantly there's a connection. This will avoid some of the bad dates i've had. Munchkin smurf men are still welcome but no orange fake tanned umpa lumpa men, they freak me out.

So, thou shall:

- Spend time with friends and have fun

I will spend more time with my real friends, afterall if you have friends who needs a man? Kissing under the mistletoe is for chumps...ok not really, i've always wanted to do it....and i'm sad about being in NYC and ice skating in central park alone, but i'm sure i will have fun.

- I will PARTAY!

Yes 'll hit the gay bars in london, the gay clubs and of course meet guys potentially in the gym, on gay dating websites and when i'm in New York...just 15 days to go!

- Work on looking good

Keeping my appearance going is the only thing keeping me going. Ok i've considered against steroids and am now using legal supplements combined with a good diet and hard training

A much healthier and realistic plan for The Muscler...and it will begin this Monday at MusclerMondays, the first Muscler event at Sweatbox, London. For half price guestlist at £10 each email me with names at mrmuscler@gmail.com you will get full gym access for all equipment and weights room from 6pm and of course join in my the shower, steam room, sauna and jacuzzi to relax and unwind afterwards! ..clothing post workout is optional!

Don't forget:

- Add Theo Muscler to Facebook for up to the date info and competitions/discounts

- Join The Facebook Group Confessions Of a Muscler

- Enter The Mr Muscler Contest to win a range of prizes including gay gym membership and gaydar membership!

- Come to MusclerMondays this Monday, message me for guestlist!

Coming up on ConfessionsOfaMuscler
MusclerMondays- The first Muscler event taking place this Monday @ Sweatbox, London
The first live video interview with The Muscler
Discounts on supplements including Maximuscle and BSN products
The Muscler first homo-erotic video- the promo video for The Mr Muscler Contest- click here to find out more and enter!

The Muscler is Single Again

2008-12-09T00:17:00.004Z

Ok so i've been a little quiet recently on the love life front...why's that you ask? I met someone, yes I met a boy! Yes a real one! We have kind of known eachother for a while longer but we officially went on a date (to the lovely Nandos of course) about 3 weeks ago. And why haven't I spoken about him you ask? Well, I didn't want to ruin my luck- ok there's been the odd mention of 'cutie' but I haven't gone into too much detail.

But now, it's over. So, as always, i'm single. So how did it end? And why? Well, for me he was perfect, sweet, made me smile and a nice normal person. He was cuddly and a genuinely nice person I could see myself settling down with- but I think that was the problem. I saw a future, he clearly couldn't. So it's Friday night and I get an SMS from him asking if i'm free to meet on Saturday afternoon for a 'talk about us'. Now, i'm not stupid- I know what that means. So I said "I know what that means. If you're gonna end it then text me and tell me, you don't need to meet". Afterall no-one wants to get dumped, let alone in person. To which I get the standard SMS of "it's not you, it's me, we're in different places etc etc".

So on Saturday I sulk. I've decided I don't want to leave the house today so I stay in. My phone rings, is it him? Maybe to call and see if i'm ok or to say he's changed his mind? No. It continues to ring but still not him so I'm still single I don't want to pickup & I don't want to speak to anyone. So I'm invited out by some friends in the early evening to cheer me up and so I jump on the picadilly line but I get to Leicester Square & I don't wanna get off so I stay on and sulk like a 12 yr old girl clenching my 750ml litre bottle of Evian and watching the people, the happy couples until I reach the end of the line at Cockfosters, but no it's not the end of my journey. I'm cold and there's nothing for me in Cockfosters - no cutie, no cuddles, nothing. So I jump on the tube and head back to my empty flat with no one to keep me warm...

I brush my teeth and see his toothbrush there. I was originally so excited about him leaving it there and thought it was a sign of saying "I'll keep this here as I'll come back regularly. Kind of like in those movie where someone has a draw or apartment key, but I guess it wasn't deliberate he forgot it there

So I put my pjs on get into bed and never wanna wake up to my single self again...

The New Boy!!!

2008-12-04T22:31:00.000Z

Ok so I get to work this morning and my boss tells me that we have a new guy starting with us today. So after making all of my friends redundant and attempting to fatten me up with donuts, we have this new chump coming in and supposedly ready to turn things around. So who is this God of a man I ask (well not in those words, I actually say "Sure i'd be pleased to show him around"). So I meet him, his name is Brad, one of my favourite names in all the lands. I see him, I melt. Like seriously, screw ice cream i'm like custard. He's stunning. So he says hi and shakes my hand in a real manly way. I mistaken his accent for an aussie accent and he tells me that he's a kiwi...wow a kiwi...i'd like to squeeze his juices out and suck on his pips...ok that came across dirtier than I intended...what's got into me?

So I show him around and he tells me how his girlfriend (the dirty whore) got a job in London so they moved over together (ok i'm a little thankful to her for bringing him into my life, but oh well). Ok so i look at him, he's very goodlooking, tanned with brown hair, green eyes and a muscled rugby build. He's wearing a nice fitted grey suit, pink shirt and pink tie. He even has cufflinks with pink dots to match, just like a real lesbian- I mean seriously he might as well be tha girl from Legally Blonde covered head to toe in pink. The real question is, does he like boys? Ok he has a skanky girlfriend but who hasn't had a skanky girlfriend?

So i need to find out if he's really straight...so when's the best time? Maybe the Christmas party? just one week to go! So the plan, get him drunk, strip him naked, and look (but don't touch because I like my cutie too much) :)

Any suggestions of how I can test him? Worst case scenario, I have some nice new eye candy in the office to keep me going!

I kissed a boy...but don't know if I liked it

2008-12-03T17:56:00.003Z

Ok so I recently mentioned a guy that I met. I haven't decided on a name for him as I think he will play a big part in this blog, so i want to choose carefully. We have spent the last week getting to know eachother.he's a total gentlemen & although we've only kissed, this doesn't seem to be an issue & there's been no demand to flower poach!

Ok so we had plans for Friday night and he disappointingly cancels. So we agree to meet on Monday evening for a movie since he didn't want to go Supermarche.

So on Saturday night I get ready at Pretzels and we head to Box Bar in Covent Garden for some drinks since it's a friends birthday. I'm persuaded to break my detox for one night only before I get to New York...so haven't not had much alcohol in a while, I was drunk and stumbling all over the place within minutes. From there we head to Supermarche which is at a venue i've never been before over in Elephant & Castle.

So I'm there and I meet this guy, he's the hottest thing I've seen ever. Italian but not sleazy and a model he tells me. I'm drunk and he kisses me. I push him away and explain that I'm kind of seeing someone but at the same time I'm unsure if this guy im seeing is serious about me. Ok he's stayed round for 3 nights now and I know I'm old fashioned but I can't tell if he's old fashioned or just not into me. Ok so we've kissed, but that's it. But I think about him, and I like him, so I don't pursue the Italian. So I dance away to the great music at Supermarche where there are loads of hotties, a good venue, cool live performances, but there's only one cutie on my mind... :)

So yes the Italian was hot, maybe a slight chump but had an amazing body, brown hair, blue eyes, completely smooth, tanned and sexier than David Hasselhoff. But I didn't enjoy the third of a second kiss (even though I enjoyed feeling his perk cute smooth butt), and wanted to kiss my cutie (maybe that could be his name), but he doesn't want to kiss me. So I think, is he ashamed of me in public? Or maybe he doesn't want to kiss me because of this non chumpy Italian David Hasselhoff wanna be? So I ask him to come back to mine, for cuddles, and he decide he would rather stay to get off his tits on drugs with his friend, go to Beyond, then end up in Fire in Vauxhall surrounded by sweaty Gee'd up (not sure if that's how you spell it but GHB'd is what I mean) smelly men, most of whom won't make it to work on Monday since most of Sunday is spent in Fire rather than at home recovering.

So I head home around 6am, get into my bed and fall asleep, cutieless, cuddleless and with a big hangover waiting for me in the morning.

The Mr Muscler Contest - Enter Now!

2008-11-30T13:55:00.008Z

Are you Hot? Sexy? Cute? Not a Chump?
Think you've got what it takes to compete with The Muscler?
Yeah? Do you now?

Ok, well The Muscler is running a competition entitled The Mr Muscler Contest. Brought to you by The Muscler, Sponsored by Sweatbox and in association with Homovision.TV, we will be searching for the 10 hottest guys out there wherever you are in the world! So whether it's you or a friend that you think is hot, take part!

How To Enter

Well it's simple. Simply take a picture of yourself or a video- be as creative as you like. I'd say the sexier and naughtier (but no willies please, we're not lesbians) the better and ideally a nice face. However if you want to remain anonymous face can be hidden. What must be included with each picture for the entry is that you have a piece of paper or something saying on of the following to ensure that this is a genuine entry:

I am The Muscler
Muscler
Confessions Of a Muscler
ConfessionsOfaMuscler
www.ConfessionsOfaMuscler.blogspot.com

Please also tell me your first name, email address and which city you live in. Entries must be sent to mrmuscler@gmail.com by Wednesday 7th January 6pm 2009. The top 10 will be selected by Monday 12th January 2009 and will feature on the site until Sunday 1st February when the winner will be announced. The winner will be the individual that has the most reader votes on the blog.

The top 10 as selected by our panel of judges will feature on the website ConfessionsOfaMuscler from 10th January 2009.

What can you win?

1st Prize:
The winner will win 12 months membership* worth over £600 at new London gay gym and sauna Sweatbox, an exclusive chance to meet and train with The Muscler and will feature on the website ConfessionsOfaMuscler. He will also win 3 months Gaydar & Gaydar mobile membership! Oh and you also win lots of fame and recognition in the first of many Mr Muscler Contests!

The Remaining Top 10 Prizes:
The remaining top 10 will win 3 months membership* worth over £150 at Sweatbox and will also feature on the website ConfessionsOfaMuscler. The 2 runners up will also win 3 months Gaydar & Gaydar mobile membership!

Good Luck!
The Muscler

Terms & conditions:
Closing date for entry is Wednesday 7th January 2009.
The initial 10 will be selected by the judging panel consisting of The Muscler and 2 lovely people from Sweatbox.
All entries must include a written 30 words of why you think you deserve to win The Mr Muscler Contest. If it is a video entry, you can speak these 30 words or send in the 30 words copy.
Videos must be posted to youtube or another video hosting website and the link sent. These must be a maximum of 60 seconds long.
Only one entry per person.
The poll will only enable one vote per person.
By sending in a photo or video of yourself, you provide permission for these to feature on the website ConfessionsOfaMuscler
* For those outside of the UK, well it gives you a reason to visit! The memberships can not be exchanged for cash and is only intended for use for the winners.

Are we what we eat?

2008-11-28T17:22:00.001Z

Ok so the saying goes 'you are what you eat' so that would make me a chicken right? But in all seriousness, how do we know if what we are eating is in fact what is on the label? And don't even get me started on the food in China Town...

After the discovery made by those students regarding the actual ingredients of Ribena and how it contained no vitamin C is a good example of this. And if you can't trust the Ribena man, who can you trust?

Ok so I've been eating non-stop like crazy but eating healthy and I'm still not putting on weight. Infact I'm losing weight- so what's going on?

The Muscler Can't Sleep... (& No I'm Not Making Babies!)

2008-11-25T22:51:00.004Z

Ok so Monday I get some supplements delivered to my office, "It feels like a box of magical things" my ditsy ginger receptionist tells me. My friend 12 inches advised me of a couple of supplements after deciding against taking steroids thanks to the advice of you guys, my readers. The products that I ordered were 'No Xplode' from BSN and the other is Nitrix, also from BSN. So what do they do? Well, in all honesty I don't know- I trusted my friend's advice after seeing him grow so fast in a short period of time. I probably should have checked that out before ordering them no doubt. But overall they're meant to help push you further when you're training giving you more energy and as a result help you lift more to gain more mass and lean muscle. Now, lean muscler is what i'm going for, and mass but without losing the abs. And as I don't really get enough sleep, I am constantly tired and too exhausted by the time I get to the gym.

So I take it last night, and instead of having the 2-4 scoops, I take 1. I get to the gym and I train hard, i'm unsure if it is more so than usual, but the weights felt lighter. Did they make me feel like superman as it said on the website? No. So I plan to take 2 scoops for Tuesday....

So I get home, make some grilled chicken with brown rice and veg and try to get to sleep by midnight. So i'm lying in bed in my pyjamas and I can't sleep. I look at my clock, it's 1.30am, i'm still awake. So I think of everything to help me get to sleep, counting sheep, wanking even (blush), and still no joy. So I get up at 7am, and i'm exhausted. Ok, it lasted longer than that short paragraph, but it certainly felt like I hadn't slept. So on Tuesday I take 1 scoop before training, and i'm heading to bed now, hoping that I can sleep.

Is it the supplements? Or is it the stress and fear of my stalker? Either way I thought i'd give you a quick update after having received several Facebook messages and emails of concern regarding my safety. I am fine though and no doubt this person just needs help... Im guessing he's 43, still lives with his mum, buys his clothes from George @ Asda and has a cat named Milly. that's just a guess...

Get me out of the Gay World

2008-11-24T00:35:00.005Z

Sorry for being so quiet recently. I have lots to fill you in on and promise I will be better this week...

The Stalker

Ok so i've heard nothing from the stalker but will be calling the police if I hear from him ever again. IP addresses are tracked on the website so i'm sure there's something that can be done here!

The Boyfriend Hunt

Ok... i'm seriously confused, more than ever before. Since my last post i've really confused myself. There was a guy I recently mentioned that I like. I was expecting to see him and he canceled. So I felt a little low about that. So on Friday night I get some food with a friend- well he's a friends friend and although we've spoken lots on Facebook and we have seen eachother out, we've never hung out. We were only meant to be hanging out as friends, but think I felt more there. I guess it's about being honest and open to not hurt anyone's feelings. But at the moment it's too soon to know how I feel for either of them. I just know they're both amazingly sweet and the muscler may finally be lucky enough to find a boyfriend who's not a chump and likes cuddles with a good heart and sexy smile!

So today I receive the following:

I receive an SMS from the [ASS OF AN EX WHO DOESN'T DESERVE A NAME] - he tells me that he thinks we ought to give things another go, that he's sorry he's hurt me so much in the past and how he cant see himself with anyone but me. I had so so many feelings for him, but he's heart me so much in the past- how's it going to be different this time?

I then receive a Facebook message from a guy I was dating last year- I was into him but he met someone else and then kinda ditched me- well he's single again and wants to give things another go.

Ok, so I don't get it. I get dumped and 12 months later the ex will see me out or hear that I went on a date or just see me and thinking "he's looking better than before", and all of a sudden he says fetch.

I'm fedup of the gay world...a way out please? This isn't what I ordered

The Muscler is being watched...and is very scared

2008-11-18T23:26:00.004Z

So I got home last night, make some food and login to my gmail and check the posts to my blog. I have one from ANONYMOUS. Do I approve of his post? No...why?

This is what was said:

- 8:14am - Muscler leaves his flat eating a banana
- 8:26am - Muscler gets to [TUBE STATION NAME] tube station
- 8:42am - Muscler gets out at [TUBE STATION NAME] and walks to work
- 8:48am - Muscler enters the building
- 12:49pm - Muscler visits [SUPERMARKET] and buys half chicken, salad and an orange juice with bits
- 6:33pm - Muscler leaves work and heads to [GYM NAME] gym

Am I freaked out? Yes. Is he reading this now? Probably, yes. Is he watching me now? Who knows. Am I scared? Yes. So Mr/Mrs/Ms/Dr Stalker person, ok you know who I am - may I say well done, congratulations! But other than to freak me out, i'm not sure what you want from me, so please leave me alone - otherwise I will be contacting the police.

Muscler on Tour: 16 Hot Guys, 8 Rooms, 1 x 4 Star Hotel...who's in?

2008-11-18T01:49:00.005Z

Ok so i'm planning a trip, yes. A trip for single hot guys who want to escape London (or anywhere else in the globe) and get away to a sunny climate in February (maybe over Valentines!) or March 2009. Somewhere hot and mildly gay. At the end of the day it's the people that make the place. I'm contemplating one of the canary islands....

Just a thought at this stage, and i'm looking into cost but it's likely to be:

1 week, flight, 4 star accommodation in a really nice hotel, breakfast and dinner in nice hotel restaurant for about £450 from London Airports, others will be investigated also...

Any interest?

...oh and no this is not an orgy, just a chance to meet some nice people and have a week with drinks and good food in the sun!

Who needs a boyfriend when you have gay porn?

2008-11-15T11:23:00.013Z

Ok so i've been to gays bars in london, gay clubs, gay gyms in london, joined gay dating websites and even tried making my own milkshake to bring boys to the yard, and still no boyfriend. And although I still have my flower, i'm still a very sexual person who gets very very horny. So I thought, why don't I try gay porn and join a gay porn site. But how do I pick one? I mean there's so many out there. I asked my friend Sleazebag and he recommended his top 3 to me a while back but I didn't think to join them. Now I need to make a choice.

Straight guys for gay eyes

Hot guys who you can see f%$king girls and tossing off. The guys are majorly hot. they've got previews on their site so check it out, click here to see.

View the hot previews for the site

Jake Cruise

Hot guys normally playing with a dirty old man, who had they not been paid by this dirty man, most probably wouldn't be sleeping with him!

To view the hot free previews, click here

Sean Cody

Hot guys, less amateur than the other 2 sites, very hot, a mix of gay guys and straight, hot and not so hot, muscle boys, more muscler boys and hot boys!

click here to view the hot preview vids and sign up and let me know what you think!

Some readers since writing this post have suggested some other sites so here they are:

Corbin Fisher

Men at Play

Randy Blue

Let me know your faves or any other suggestions!

Add THEo Muscler on Facebook!

2008-11-15T11:14:00.003Z

Ok so The Muscler's Facebook profile was suspended...why? Apparently after having over 1,000 of you guys add me, they realised that Da for Da Muscler was not a real first name...but how do they know? Maybe my parents called me Da. Yes i'd be teased throughout school, but who are Facebook to dictate what my name can or can't be. It could be The even, but adding The as a first name isn't allowed either...

Anyway add me:

Theo Muscler

If you can't find me, please search for my email address on facebook: muscler1@gmail.com or email me your full name and i'll add you.

Also add the group:

Confessions of a Muscler
....so that I can keep you up to date on goings on!

Donuts aren't a subsitute for love...but they taste like love

2008-11-14T10:07:00.002Z

Ok so it's Friday, just another quiet day in the office. Like my love life, it feels empty.

My boss walks in all chirpy, carrying a box of 12 crispy creme donuts...my first thought is yum!! I mean, I love donuts! But I see through him and his magical box of treats. These 12 donuts won't replace the 12 colleagues that have now been made redundant (quite a funny coincidence that it was 12). And although I love crispy cremes, I extend my arm out to take one and then change my mind. "I'm on detox" I tell my boss, to which be replies "detox, schmeetox, it's Christmas" well firstly I think: it's not Christmas, we're still in mid November and secondly I think schmeetox isn't a real word so leave me alone and read a dictionary. I take my glass of water and drink away as he moves over to his next victim that he will attempt to corrupt with his sugarbox.

And this made me think. just like my love life there's temptations, but overall they're bad for you and you need to resist. Whether it be the ￡500 for the bj from the dirty grey haired 70yr old French man or that hot guy off his tits at matinée. Or even giving your flower to just anyone....

The Muscler Detox

2008-11-13T12:18:00.001Z

Ok so I mentioned previously that I'm on detox. But not just any detox, The Muscler detox.

This consists of:
- 3 protein shakes per day
- Only drinking water during the day.if eating out or drinking out, 1 glass of orange juice is allowed
- No carbs after 6 for 3 nights per week
- Only candy 1 day per week and of a moderate portion (eg 3 bags of haribo)
- No alcohol
- 6-8 fruit/veg portions per day
- No take-aways/fast food
- Only 2 lunch/dinner restaurant meals per week & healthy options must be selected
- No pizza

This must be kept to until the end of December when I visit new York. If I break this detox diet, well I need to think of punishment.

The Muscler to be Made Redundant

2008-11-12T12:32:00.001Z

So after 12 members of staff at my company are made redundant I fear that I'll lose my job by Christmas which will make it not such a happy Christmas and new year in New York. My budget will need to be even further sliced.

If this is the case I certainly think it's about using what you've got.but I'd never resort to giving head for money as suggested by one reader following an earlier post. no it's not like we're making babies. but doing this with someone I don't know in exchange for cash isn't for me. I'd feel guilty spending that money.it'll be dirty money to me.

So as I'm sat at my soon to be empty desk I decide to make a blue tack man to emphasize how I'm feeling right now...here you go..

Maybe if I spent less time making blue tack men, I'd have less chance of being made redundant. But in all seriousness marketing is a common area to cut back on since there is not a direct delivery of revenue. Yes I'd argue that without marketing you wouldn't have those sales, but it's not my decision and this credit crunch was not what I ordered. So I've lost 5 marketing colleagues-4 of whom were junior to me so I have a lot less support, 2 members of IT, 1 in finance, 3 in HR and 2 support staff that frankly do diddly squat anyway but are very sweet.

So I'm sat here at my desk as I write this and Ive lost all motivation.i look over at the desks that once belonged to my closest work friends as I'm sat in my quad alone.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts

Love the single, soon to be jobless Muscler x

Muscler does Matinee @ Club Coliseum in Vauxhall London

2008-11-10T22:02:00.004Z

So it’s Saturday night and that means one thing…yes, Matinee. Now, after having only visited Matinee once in the past at it’s old venue in Fabric and enjoying it so much in Ibiza, I decided to go with some friends to see how it compares at The Coliseum in Vauxhall.

So after some drinks with some friends at a gay friend’s party at Soho House we make our way over to Vauxhall via another friend’s house party in Stockwell. I am accompanied by 2 good friends and am pleased to see Whitey, Canny and a whole host of other 'characters' who have featured in the blog. including American Boi who was looking hot as ever. Now, American Boi has pretty much not even managed to say hello to me since I scared him away on our date. What he has done is message my new Gaydar profile this week not realising that it’s me since my face is not on display. He ignored my response which included a face pic and no doubt continued sending his “I’m sweet just after friends” message round to the other chumps online who are just waiting to get screwed over by him. Whore…ok that’s my anger out.

So we’re on guestlist so pleased to see that we don’t need to queue and enter to see a very good looking hot crowd. There’s a nice mix of ages and types which is what I like to see in a club. We enter the first room and step to the cool house beats of DJ Nathan6 but disappointed to see that this room isn’t busy. Confused since the music is good and the DJ is hot, we leave and head to the main room where we see more tops off and a busy crowd. The sexy dancers are on stage and we walk in to hear a bang which shook the sh1t out of me – not quite sure why it happened but this was a bang that I did like and the only bang I’ve had this year since I haven’t had a boyfrend to cuddle up to on clapham common sat on the grass watching the fireworks….

Ok so we’re dancing away and I’m drinking my red bull to keep me awake. Yes, red bull- no vodka! The Muscler is on detox until his arrival in New York at the end of December. Now this isn’t your usual detox – it’s just means no alcohol and an attempt to cut back on any bad foods.

So we’re dancing in there and although I am having a nice time, I realise I am bored. Yes, I’m bored of the gay scene. It just seems like the same faces are everywhere all the time. Yes these guys are hot. Yes these guys are semi naked. Yes these guys are interested (well some are!). But I’m not going to find my husband in here. Where would my husband be at the moment if he’s not at Matinee you ask? Well, he’s probably on his way home from the theatre after taking his little niece to see Lion King for her birthday. How sweet is he? Is he real? No. What I’m saying, or what I’m trying to say at least, is that I think clubbing should be done, well at least for me, in small doses. If you do it too often you become immune to it all and nothing has an affect on you. The guys look the same, the music sounds the same and there’s no atmosphere. But what I would say is when you do want to go clubbing, picking a great night and great company is the main thing and Matinee is definitely a good choice for this. So will I be returning to Matinee? Yes. But to be on the same level as everyone else, well as close as I can get without taking drugs, is the need to drink!

So there must have been some more excitement to the night other than good music and sexy boys you may ask? Yes, there was. {FUCKER WHO DOESN’T DESERVE A NAME} was there. He came up to me just as I was getting chatted up by a cute solicitor
and he behaved in his usual overprotective way. He put his arms around me as his way of saying “I own this one” and whispered in my ear “I miss you”. He’s off his tits. He’s slurping. And he’s leaning on me. At the start I thought it was affection. Then I realised it was the drugs. So he’s holding my hand and he’s trying to talk to me about us. We’re in Matinee, certainly not the place to do it. So we head downstairs to the other room and sit on the chairs. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but hes confused. He said that his friends were checking me out and he got jealous. So he wants me now he knows im wanted, but when he stood me up, well I didn’t seem that important to me then. He grabs me and kisses me. I’m glad I accepted, as I realised I have no feelings for him. I send him upstairs to his friends, find my friends and head home…

The Muscler to do New York...or Not!

2008-11-09T22:10:00.003Z

This week after 12 members of staff within my company were laid off I reconsidered the trip to NYC. My job is at threat in these tough economic times and should I be jobless, and with the current pound to dollar exchange rate, I will struggle in NYC. I seek cheap hotels and hostels in New York but as I don’t want to share a room with strangers in a dorm and cant afford to pay for my own room, m a little stuck. So I am advised to check Craigslist, to see if there’s any options to sublet within my tiny budget. Unfortunately not, so I ask you my new york readers and those with friends in New York for suggestions.

I have a few hostel options including Chelsea International Hostels and Jazz Hostels – my major issue with both of them being that (other than not having a room of my own), there is zero availability on the 31st December and 1st January.

So the muscler tries Facebook, Gaydar, and Manhunt, only to find that people really don’t understand the budget issue and recommend lovely 5 star hotels that I can only dream of staying in…that’ll be the day when I’m rich enough to throw money away on a nice room, where I have my own big bed, jacuzzi and a boy on call to bring and feed me strawberries.

So I call American Airlines in an attempt to cancel my flight with no joy. I will lose the large sum I paid to book the flight. So ill keep hunting, whilst job hunting and will pray I can find something.

So any suggestions for accommodation or ways to make lots of money before or in NY in order to pay for accommodation would be much appreciated! That £500 offered to me recently by an old dirty skank for letting him blow my whistle doesn’t seem so bad after all!!

My Halloween Weekend...Part 3

2008-11-08T12:22:00.008Z

Ok so we're onto Saturday night. I wake up hungover from my crazy Friday night at about midday and have very little energy but force myself to go the gym. I get there and have no energy so end up doing a 20 minute run and leave. so that night I have my friend Canny's halloween party in his awesome apartment. Those attending include Bread Lady, Pretzel, Frankie, Whitie, Greekie, Pammy and the one and only Straighty from the famous swing story. Is there any chance of finding my Mr Right here? Most definitely. So I arrive early on to see a couple of guys and attempt to help Canny and Whitey prepare. Then the hottest Brazilian guy turns up. Canny tells me that he will be working for us that night, as a 'naked barman'. Luckily he wasn't naked, it's good to leave some to the imagination, but he's wearing black trousers and a bow tie....hot. But we think he's straight...either way, naked Brazilian muscle boys isn't the way to go for husband material. Mr husband man ideally would have a 9-5 job so that we can meet after work, do dinner and cuddle up to a movie.

So I go to put my costume on. So what do I dress up as? A psycho killer of course! I'm wearing a pair of ripped jeans, a ripped shirt and am covered in blood and my face covered in bruises. Ok not very original but it's better than dressing up as a big purple elephant, or a tomato. Yes, Straighty came as a big tomato. It's been 4 months and i've heard nothing. He walks in, looking all red and tomoatoish, and walks right past me. Did he not recognise me as a psycho killer? Of course he did. But in case he didn't, bread lady walks me over to him as he's smoking on the balcony and I say hi. He's cold. A cold tomato. Anyway, he's not worth the time.

So who else is there? Pammy and Marilyn from my ibiza trip are there, looking hot as ever as Pamela Anderson and Marilyn Monroe and Frankie is a pregnant woman I don't recognise while Pretzel plays an American ski guy I also don't recgnise!

Girl on Girl Action a la coke

So Pretzel gets me and drags me to the bathroom, where Frankie and Marilyn are stood. Pretzel starts preparing 4 lines of coke. coke? Is this for me? Hell no. And I turn around and Marilyn and Frankie are making out. Yes. These girls are practically making babies in the bathroom. So I whip the camera out and take a couple of pictures, most probably as i'm as pissed as a fart, and within seconds i;m involved in the action, Yes i'm kissing Frankie, and then i'm in a 3 way kiss with Marilyn and Frankie. Pretzel seems a little annoyed but blokes it out with the snort of the coke.

Whle we're in the bathroom, I was off the blood and bruises and decide i'm not getting anywhere with the bruises. Whitey gives me a pair of shorts, and I now just look like a semi naked American. I wear Greekie's mask to disguise my face so that you can see a picture since the best part of my psycho killer costume was my face which I can't show. So maybe some flesh will attract tomato head straighty, but I still go unnoticed. It's like, what he hell? I'm pretty much naked!

So I start speaking with a couple of guys, they're dressed as cowboys and quite cute. Could it be a Brokeback Mountain cowboy meets the muscler wedding? So I ask them what they do for a living and they tell me they're in finance. I then ask "Are you affected by the credit crunch" to which they reply "Yes its about ordering less bottles of Don Perignon and more Veuve". I walk off. The thing I hate more than anything isn't money, but people that know they have money and like to show off about how much money they have. Now i' not saying a rich boyfriend wouldn't be nice. Its a sign of success, etc, but it's no the top of my list of priorities. I would rather someone genuine.

So I continue to dance, drink and at this point i'm very very drunk. So it gets to about 1am and Whitey has arranged guestlist for Revolver at Astoria in Central London. I was a little hesitant after having not had much fun last week. But I decide, what the heck, Canny and Whitey and everyone will be there. So I get in a cab with Bread Lady, Marilyn and Frankie and we get to the club whilst we await the others. Do they arrive? No! However we still party away whilst they're in Fire, surrounded by sweaty muscle boys off their tits on GHB, whilst i'm surrounded by a good mix of guys. There's a group of nce looking guys, one of which I know, a cute portuguese guy. We start talking and slowly our parties join. Marilyn and Frankie continue to get it on and we boogie away. After a couple of hours and still no Whitey we decide to leave. Marilyn gets her cab and Frankie gets her bus and I then see the group of nice guys from the club, and they invite me to their apartment in Covent Garden for some pizza and to chill for a bit. I've never really been to a chillout party. It's 3am so I think, what the heck - my stomach's rumbling and it's better than going home to an empty apartment. Plus the hottest Lebanese guy is there. He's not my usual type, he's 6ft 2 or 3 and has a beard. He's hairy and very muscled and beefy but in a mainly way rather than a steroid way.

so I hang with them and eat pizza while they do GHB, Coke, you name it. And we chill. Within 17minutes, i'm cuddling the big hairy guy Partly down to my drunkenness, and partly probably down to his affection after whatever he has taken. So I hang with them and next thing you know it's 6am. So I leave and walk home and before leaving, the big guy gives me and kiss and tells me to look him up on facebook....

I head home, climb into bed, and my sunday had very little remaining.

My Halloween Weekend...Part 2

2008-11-04T23:45:00.008Z

Ok so it's Friday 31st October- Halloween- one of my favourite times of the year. So I arrange after work to go out with a group of friends to a restaurant/bar/club called Beach Blanket Babylon in Shoreditch, a posh part of Central London. I'm dressed as a serial killer covered in bruises and blood as I enter the club with a mummy (my friend who was wrapped in bandages), the vsmpire- who was simply a vampire, and a pink tutu wearing giant- a friend of mine who was made to wear a tut as the booby prize for not dressing up!

So we enter and we're the only ones at this point in fancy dress, other than the staff. And we join some of our other friends that were eaglerly awaiting us. So we're 12 in total, in fancy dress looking like dumbasses. So we get some food, I order the lamb. But although it was delicious, the portions were insufficient to satisfy the muscler (give me a bucket of KFC chicken anyday!).

So following on from the small portioned food, we watch a pretty cool and sexy but freaky fashion show where these models had teddy bears and flowers on their head.

Swiftly moving on, we continue to the downstairs club area and we continue to boogie away whilst the trannies and freakily dressed parade around the venue.

So we decide to leave at around 1am and head to Lo Profile, the gay club in Soho. It's busy, i'm tipsy and i'm having a great tie surrounded by friends.

So overall quite a sensible evening with me in bed by 4am...But Saturday's outcome is where it get's really exciting so watchout for part 3!

My Halloween Weekend...Part 1

2008-11-03T21:45:00.005Z

My Halloween weekend unintentionally began on thursday... Those of u on my facebook would have received an update (add Da Muscler to your friends list if you've yet to do so) but here's the full story...

So Thursday night I had planned to spend with my first ever boyfriend. He's Spanish. We met several years ago and he is, I still believe, my first love. He moved to London for both career opportunities and to give things a go with us, but that's where it went downhill. He was exposed to the gay scene of drugs, clubs and everything associated with these. He also liked being very public with his affections which is nice but I was even more reserved then than I am now! He also started taking steroids which lead to him being constantly grumpy and aggressive. Anyway so things didn't work out. But he constantly tells me I'm the love of his life and that he wouldn't treat me poo again. So, back to Thursday, I agreed to meet with him for dinner. At the moment he doesn't have a name on the blog simply as be doesn't deserve one!

Anyway, so I finish work and head to Sweatbox gym in Soho for a quick workout and then make my way to the restaurant Inamo in Soho for our dinner. So it's 7.34pm and we arranged to meet at 7.30pm. He's late and i'm desperate for a wee so I call and there's no connection, so I leave a voicemail telling him i'll be inside. I walk in and they have our reservation, and I order a bottle of white chardonnay (his favourite) and decide to have a glass as I wait. So it's 7.48pm, yes he's 18 minutes late and still no sign of {NO NAME BECAUSE THE HEARTLESS PIECE OF SH1T DOESN'T DESERVE IT]. And then I get the text, from [NO NAME - HEARTLESS W4NK-STAIN]

"Tired from gym and bit broke so let's meet next week"

Was there a sorry? Nope. Was there a decent excuse considering the dinner was his suggestion? No. So it's now 7:54pm, I'm sat with the majority of a bottle of wine, two tears that are ready to drop and no date. So I ask for the bill and they kindly only charged me for one glass. So I head off to leave and decide to text Dean, just so that I have someone to share my sad story with. He's out in Soho and somehow he convinces me to join him in The Box bar for a drink. One drinks leads to 4 and we're then in a club Called Dolce- a trendy cool, a little pretentious, straight club in Central London. JJ has managed to get us not only guestlist but also a VIP table in the centre of the dancefloor of this straight members only club and introduced me to his friend who works there. He's gay and once I told him my story, he got us a bottle of vodka - yes at no charge. So the music's pumping away, the hot dancer girls dancing on the dancefloor around us as we boogie away to rnb. So it gets to 2.38am and I leave and head home via Burger King for a Bacon Double Cheeseburger and 'chicken bites'..Burger King's version of wanna be McNuggets!

As I make my way home from my amazing night with Dean, Sweatheart and JJ, I realised that I don't need a boyfrend and ex boyfriends are in the past for a reason. I will concentrate on my career, my health and the boys will follow!

Next time on ConfessionsOfaMuscler

Part 2: Halloween in Hoxton, trannies, clockroom queue groping and The Boi
Part 3: The best halloween party including photos of the Muscler stripped bare and Revolver, the re-review! (Because everyone needs a second chance!).

The Night The Muscler was mistaken for a Hooker...

2008-11-01T12:11:00.005Z

Ok so i'm at the gym, training my ass off, and I head to the changing room. I undress and head to the showers. I head back to the changing room and as I change an older French gay guy approaches me. I noticed his big brown eyes weighing me down as I showered and now he's in front of me as i'm stood in my white DKNY boxers, looking at my bulge. Let's call him PERVERT...

{PERVERT}: "What is the time?"
{THE MUSCLER}: I check my iPhone and reply "7:45"
{PERVERT}: "How much?"
{THE MUSCLER}: "Sorry?"
{PERVERT}: "I will give you blow job £300"
{THE MUSCLER}:"Err no thanks, i'm not an escort"
{PERVERT}: "Come...£300"
{THE MUSCLER}: "No, go away"
So he walks towards the cubicle, desperately looking back and hoping i'll follow him and jump in there and whack it in his mouth. A guy who had overheard the conversation walks over. He works at the gym. He's very cute and i've noticed him before and spoken with him several times. Did I mention, he's cute...anyway i don't want to give too much away. This gym guy then heads to the showers....and then the French pervert returns...

{PERVERT}: "£500"
{THE MUSCLER}: "F%&K OFF!"
He then puts his hand on the shoulder of my nicely creased shirt which I had crammed into the locker
{THE MUSCLER}: "Take your hands off me or i'll report you"

I say this as the gym guy walks back in...he then walks off and the gym guy tells me I should've taken it the money! He then says that we should train together one day, and with a body like his, I could certainly learn a lot. So he gives me his facebook name so that I can look him up (as it seems that mobile phone numbers are a thing of the past).

So maybe with all bad things, come good. Maybe the gym guy wouldn't have given me his facebook details otherwise. So i'm mistaken for a gay escort, I see nothing wrong with gay escorts. They provide a service and in many cases they do it because they are struggling and need to (or in some cases they just really are greedy and like to make lots of money whilst humping old men with false teeth, green socks and a little kitten name feefee). What irritates me is what made this guy think I was for sale? Is there something that i'm doing that says "i'm a gay escort?"...no! So whether i'm at a gay bar, a gay club or the gym, whether it be a normal gym or a gay gym, whether it be in central london, Soho or some of the other regions I train in, I don't expect to have this happen again...deal?

So I head home and when I think all the drama was done with I get 6 texts from this guy on my old phone. The reason it's to my old phone is that I wouldn't dare give him my new number. We'll call this guy NORTHERN CHAV! now the reason why his messages frustrate me is that a while ago, maybe 6 months ago, i was with Vinn in a club. I was drunk and infact it wasn't the kind of club i'd go to or I feel comfortable at. Anyway, i'd recognised northern chav as we'd spoken online, and I once saw him at a friends birthday at twink hangout Ku bar. So he comes up to me and asks for my number after a little chat and realising we'd spoken online etc. I could barely understand him with his northern speak (no offence guys). My friend Vinn heads to the toilet and chav says "i'll be right back". What I did not expect was that Vinn to get a blowjob in the toilet from the chav. He comes back and I asked him what had happened, and he said he was drunk and thought it was me. I was pissed off with Vinn so texted him and left the club...

So the moral of the story is that i'm neither a hooker or a whore, so don't mess!

The Muscler sees the Light...at last!

2008-10-30T13:13:00.004Z

Ok so after my recent post about potentially trying steroids, many of you kicked me into shape and wiseley slapped me about to help me make the decision to not take steroids - you may have seen it on my facebook status - if you're not connected to me on there, please do so by searching for Da Muscler (as according to Facebook, 'The' is not a name- i'm offended) and join the group Confessions Of a Muscler.

Ok so back to the steroids issue, I thought about things- i'm healthy, I have good family, great friends, an awesome career and im more fortunate in terms of looks and body than a lot of people out there - without sounding big headed. So why am I complaining? I'll find my Mr Right....

I will continue to lead my life, training hard at the gym, eating a well balanced diet whilst also having my occasional treats, milkshakes and gay dinner dates, and I will find my Mr Right one day...

So this weekend is Halloween - one of my favourite times of year, and I truly can't wait! Lots coming up no doubt at Lo Profile's Emerald City, Village Drinks @ The Langley, Redrooms Friday Night, Dolce Club and a few house halloween parties!

Last Night a Revolver Saved My Life...

2008-10-27T21:08:00.006Z

...ok not quite, but a revolver was what I needed when I was out partying at club night Revolver at it's new (but not so new) venue Astoria (formerly GAY) on Saturday night. Ok so i've never been to GAY club (G.A.Y), I've been to Astoria before for a concert, but I can proudly say never GAY, simply as the 12 year old, Top Man XS sized vest wearing Girls Aloud listening crowd has never been one to interest me. But Revolver is a club night that I have been to at its former venue 'Scala' in Kings Cross where it also never really made its mark, I think because of its location.

So what was wrong with it on Saturday night? Well I walk in with my cute friend Minogue (yes he's a boy but has a girl's name for the blog simply because it makes sense in my head and I couldn't think of a better name!) in to an initial bar area where there was pop music playing. And as I hear Pink shouting in the background, I look around the room and realise that I must be the oldest person in this room. Yes i'm officially old, and the crowd in this room was just far too young and far too queeny for me. Now, I don't mind Pink, but to me this was what I would expect from GAY - so maybe these individuals got lost on their way to Ku Bar or didn't realise that GAY at Astoria is no more!

So I head out to the main dancefloor area which is absolutely huge, expecting to see the Revolver crowd which should resemble steroid, waxed chest tops off, off their tits hotties who won't eat now until they're sitting in the chillout room of sweatbox eating protein bars after hitting trade g-eed out. But now, other than a crowd of 4-5 guys who met this description, this wasn't what I saw out there.

The music was good, the dancers worked it well and the venue is great, but filling it is in issue, let alone filling it with hotties who in my eyes wouldn't be off their tits or with their tops off. Maybe if it wasn't on before the trade party, or maybe it got busier after I left. Who knows...

But this is where it gets interesting. Amongst this crowd of nothingness, I see a boy. He's dancing alone, he is alone, he's dancing strangely, he's off his tits on drugs, he's drooling, I look at him, he doesn't notice me, Minogue speaks to him and finds out his name and comes and tells me his name is {NAME}. I want to talk to {NAME} because he's hot- i'd say 21 years old, blonde and with a perfect body on him, English looking with a cute nose. But he won't remember me. So after spending 47 minutes in Revolver, myself and Minogue leave. On our way out i'm stopped by {NAME}. He says to me "You natural or you on roids" to which I replay "natural, you?", to which he replies "Yeah same bruvs. My name's {NAME}". to which I reply "My names {THE MUSCLER}, what's your last name {NAME}?" to which he replies, "It's {SURNAME}", my theory being that he's so off his tits he won't remember me, but I know his full name so I can stalk him on facebook - sounds easy right? Nope! Do you know how many {NAME SURNAME} there are in London? 372! And I don't even know is {NAME} is from London.

So i'll give up on the stalking and maybe see if I manage to find him again when he's in a less off his tits state!

So maybe another trip to Revolver is needed- it has all the ingredients for a great night- good location, good music, hot dancers - now we just need the people. Maybe they should change the name to the Muscler's Revolver- maybe that would encourage more of you to come! LOL

To roid or not to roid…?

2008-10-26T18:32:00.002Z

Yes that is the question that The Muscler asks.

What is my objective in taking them? Well I guess to look bigger, better, stronger and ultimately improve my confidence. It’s not just about being a physical thing but a state of mind. Some would call it cheating. Others wouldn’t even question it.

So for the past week I find out which of the hot bodied guys I know whose bodies I really admire have taken steroids and of the 8 guys I’ve asked which include The One, The Boi, Dean and Sweetheart, 7 of the 8 guys have taken steroids (or potentially all 8 but maybe 1 of these 8 didn’t wish to admit it!).

So I look at the downsides and common related side affects which include liver damage, a spotty back, mood swings and ball shrinking. Are these things imporatnt to me? Well yes- and although I’m not making much use of my balls at the moment, I’d like them to remain a good handful rather than shrink to peanut size.

And as I’m sat looking through the Maximuscle catalogue, I think to myself, do these hot beefy defined muscle guys really look this good because of their 3 protein shakes per day and skinless chicken? No, they’re fully roided and I want to look like that!

But then it's also thinking, when is too big? And do we really realise our own size?

So my question to you is, to roid or not to roid?

The Muscler does Geisha, Lo Profile & GoGo-Brazil at Gay / Heaven

2008-10-21T11:26:00.001+01:00

So this weekend was a busy partying weekend. So after dinner with friends on Friday night we head to a trendy cool gay bar called Geisha. This trendy cocktail bar was not overly priced at around a fiver per cocktail and had a nice atmosphere. We stayed for a couple of drinks before heading to sexy Soho gay club Lo Profile where we are on the guestlist for a friend 'Sugar's' birthday. It was busy and my Sugar has some very very goodlooking friends which always helps. So we dance a little, drink a little and I head home with my friend 10inch around 2.30am as i'm feeling sleepy.

Saturday, after a long lie in I decide to keep it chilled so I visit sweatbox for a workout and then order in some pizzas and have friends round to watch some old classic movies- Zoolander and Dodgeball- just silly comedies to keep us laughing.

Sunday, I go for a long run around Hyde Park and then have some sunday lunch with friends...but the evening is what i'm waiting for- yes the launch of a new party at gay club Heaven...or is it now called GAY? Who knows, anyway it's in charing cross! So the party, GoGo- Brazil basically is a brazilian themed club night where several hot brazilians, or wanna-be brazilians, danced on the stage and the audience have dollar bills, or some other currency, to slip into the panties of the dancers.

So what can I say about GoGo Brazil? Well the venue - Gay / Heaven is a good club, i've always liked it. But it's a large club, and i'd say for the number of people who attended, probably too large. it wasn't very busy and i'd say that the majority of people there were press or supporters of the dancers, i.e., boyfriends/friends. But, it was a good night, we had fun and the organisers clearly made a big effort. They kept the brazilian theme throughout, from free Brazilian spirit drinks in the VIP lounge, icr cream and finger food, through to a carnival dance and music during performances and capoeira.

What I was disappointed with is the talent of the dancers. Most of them had hot bodies, and a couple of them were cute, but they weren't amazing. And what was worse, is that the winner of the contest- who took home a ticket to brazil, not only showed a lack of enthusiasm when we won, but im unclear how he won since he was the least attractive of the dancers....my real question is, who did he sleep with!

Here's a selection of pics from the night....

The Muscler's Review of New York Gay Bars & Clubs

2008-10-18T17:06:00.014+01:00

..Ok so last weekend was spent in New York after a friend (Biceps) treated me to a trip to NYC after he got his annual bonus in. We were only there for Friday and Saturday night which was spent at the Hudson Hotel playing pool with some of his friends who were very friendly, just like most Americans. One of his gay friends, 'Troy' was from Texas and had a southern accent which was hot as that very hot option at Nandos for the chicken (mmm) and his tight perky little butt sat pretty in his g-star jeans, a brand that I am very fond of. Despite him potentially being ginger, well his hair is browny/red and he has freckles, I ponder whether his bush is ginger. I ask biceps but unlike the 'gay networks' of London which resemble a major motorway collision because everyone seems to have shagged everyone and having friends that you haven't slept with is a rarity, this is different with my little freckly ginger pubed Troy. So I attempt to follow him to the toilet to see if there was a way I can check his bush colour at the urinals, but turns out the Hudson has posh fancy rooms for peeing which take about 12 minutes to walk from the door to the toilet itself, no urinals and no ginger bush in sight.

Nevermind, enough about the hot Texas boy and let's move onto Saturday.

So after a shopping spree around 5th, Soho and Chelsea, we decide to be a little cultural and visit the Musuem of Modern Art (MOMA). Here's a couple of snaps, the first being a cute little old couple in Chelsea, the 2nd a picture taken at the MOMA. I'm not sure if you're allowed to take pics but I've done it now ... (although i'm not sure if i've got it the right way round!)

So Saturday night I go to 2 places recommended to me by my blog readers: The GYM Sports Bar and Splash Bar...

The GYM Sports Bar sounded like an interesting concept - a bar for hot gym guys. I did not expect to walk into the land of the bears. Well that was my initial thoughts. Then I realised that it was just an older crowd than I had hoped of guys who were either fans of hot gyms guys (who isn't?) or they are now a little chubby after giving up the gym after so many steroids. We thought we'd give it a chance and I was quite wrong about this place- it was friendly, people were polite and I had more people talking to me than ever before, offering to buy me drinks and generally just being friendly. Other than being friendly, what these guys had in common is that there was a genuine interest in sport, whether it be playing pool or watching the boxing on the screen, these guys aren't your lip gloss, skinny jean wearing girly boys, these were real men. So after declining drinks from the friendly manly americans, I head to the bar simply as I don't like to accept drinks from strangers simply because....

a) you feel you owe them something
b) they might put drugs in it and you wake up the next morning deflowered with a dog called Bert licking your feet as you lay in this druggy strangers apartment in Brooklyn whilst he's out selling drugs to kids...no thanks

...so I ask the cute barman for 2 JD cokes and I give him a 50, to which he gives me back 2 x 20s and a 10. Now those of you who are good at math will realise that this equals 50. So I tell him he's given me too much to which he replies "It's on me". Now I don't think it was really on him but clearly he's skanked the bar- which is fine by me, as for points a and b, I watched him make the drinks and he didn't look like the type to own a dog called Bert.

So after a couple of Drinks at New York's Gay Gym sports Bar, we head to a club recommended by several blog readers called Splash Bar. The music was good and there were 2 floors, the main floor and the floor downstairs which was a little smaller. The bar staff were majorly hot but I didn't manage to take any pics of them simply as you're not meant to take pics in Splash Bar Biceps tells me. That doesn't stop me though, I discreetly manage to take a few of the strippers there...whether or not they're hot, i'll let you decide- but I did promise you pics and yes The Muscler did deliver!

So at Splash Bar the music was good and there were some very cute Americans, however the barmen were the hottest guys there. The dancers were nice but I would have liked to have seen a bit more of a variety, eg, a blonde guy and a young twink! Biceps tried to encourage me to slip a dollar into the pants of one of them, but I got too shy.

So we danced, had a good time and overall a nice change. What i can say thought from this weekend is that the gay scene in NY does not compare to the London gay scene. However as advised by several blog readers, there are certain parties and club nights eg, HIRO that I will need to try on my return visit in December...

Any New Yorkers who want to show me around on my next trip, feel free =)

And the Winner of the World’s Best Gay Designer for ConfessionsOfaMuscler is…

2008-10-15T10:58:00.009+01:00

Yes you may have noticed a new fresh look to the website. Several weeks ago, I asked all designers out there to submit logo ideas. After receiving thousands (ok that may be somewhat exaggerated but may make those who submitted an entry but not win feel a little better about themselves!), there was a clear distinct winner who understood both the brief but more importantly the blog and the muscler specifically.

Paul won and has kindly created some additional elements for the website. Below is his wining design entry:

What you may notice has changed since the submission if the image of the muscler. Yes after seeing pics of the muscler, designer Paul decided to make the arms and chest bigger.

Now it’s time to plug my hot designer – simply because he’s brilliant. Paul is available for freelance design work and has a wealth of experience so if you have anything for him, please contact him on: He lives in the UK but understandably can be briefed over the telephone, email, paper aeroplanes, whatever it takes as he has done with my designs, whether you need a freelance designer in London, New York or the moon (they’re struggling on their marketing front!), then he’s your man! Just email him on: clearlinedesign@googlemail.com

So let me know your thoughts of the new look website…and yes there’s a lot more coming from the muscler over the next few weeks…

The Muscler tries Webcam

2008-10-14T00:17:00.004+01:00

Ok so after a day at my desk, half asleep after my night at SweatBox and flight back from New York, I head back and forth between my desk and the toilet to check my iPhone for Gaydar, facebook and manhunt to see my responses. I receive a message from a very hot cute guy who gives me his msn and asks if i'd like to try chatting on webcam this evening. So we agree to speak at 9pm tonight and for us to try using a webcam.

So after work I head to Sweatbox for a workout, seriously, a workout. Not a 3 way in a jacuzzi whilst a guy who looks like he should be asking me if I want chili sauce on my kebab, wanks away at his big piece of meat. I train hard and after my workout, I head to the shower where I see a guy. He's got an ok body and he's staring at me. Until I look up from him big sausage and realise I know him. Yes it was Mr Big, I kid you not. He's naked, in front of me, and staring. I get excited and I quickly grab my towel to cover my kebab. I head to the changing room and he speaks"

Mr BIG: "Hey, I'm {Mr Big}"
The Muscler" "Hey {Mr Big}, I'm {The Muscler}
Mr BIG: "Yeah I recognise you from when I walk into work in the morning. You make me smile"
The Muscler: "Ah thanks. What you doing here cos I never saw u working out"
Mr BIG: "I came to have a massage as i'm having problems with my back. Anyway I better go..."

So he seemed like he was in a rush. I will need to keep a lookout for him. It's a little disappointing that he wasn't an American or French visitor, but he's still hot. He has the sexiest looking eyes i've ever seen....

Ok so I head home to jump online and speak to my boy from gaydar messaging earlier on in the day. So I log into MSN which I never use and after a frustrating 24minutes we realise that webcams don't work with them on Macs, so we decide to use skype.

Now the reason for using a webcam was:

1) To experiment and try something different, as with the foam party at sweatbox yesterday
2) Because, as advised by biceps, it's more trustworthy than a photo

So I speak with this guy, he's 23 fit toned and his camera switches on to show his weener. Yes his tiny little cock....So the muscler learns, that webcam aren't for just chatting but for naughty stuff. He didn't want to show me his face or use the cam to blow me kisses, no he wanted to spunk im my camera lens. So I decide to switch off and logon here and tell you before I fall sleep in my big double bed...

Muscler heads from the airport via Sweatbox's Foam Party

2008-10-12T23:05:00.004+01:00

Ok i've just got home after my weekend in NYC. Most people would generally head straight home, but not the Muscler. No, instead I thought it would be interesting to visit Sweatbox - the gay sauna & gym in Central London, for one of their Sunday Foam Party sessions i've heard so much about. I was exhausted but very horny. I walk in to the changing room to see 2 very hot cute guys. They're cute and good-looking in a normal straight looking way rather than in a pretty way and have sexy bodies on them. After a weekend of seeing very horny guys and not releasing, I decide to treat myself tonight and potentially misbehave if i find a cute guy.

I've still got my shoes and jacket on as I write this post as i'm so eager to tell you. So I step to the basement floor, closely followed by the 2 cute guys, and I step under the shower. I'm completely naked and surrounded by lots of sexy guys whilst the bubbles and foam floats in the air. Yes the muscler is naked and not embarrassed. No. So after showering (naked!) beside the 2 cute guys, my pecker gets excited so I jump in the jacuzzi. I'm alone but am shortly followed by the 2 cute guys. And within 46 seconds, I am surrounded by gay 17 guys in the jacuzzi. One of the cute guys starts rubbing my bits with his feet and within secods we're kissing. A 2 way kiss lead into a 3 way kiss, and we soon move to the steam room. We start talking and I like them. They're very sweet and im keen to see them again and hang with them as friends. So we continue to make our way around Sweatbox, from the steam rooms and saunas back to the jacuzzi and in the shower... Let's just say that the other sweatbox visitors got a lot more than they paid for. They're cuddly, cute and nice. But they're a couple so nothing can come of this. so there goes my bad luck again!

I'm contemplating suggesting a Muscler night to SweatBox exclusively for hot guys- who's keen?

Anyway i'm tired, felling satisfied, and off to sleep!

Greetings from the Muscler @ JFK

2008-10-12T13:31:00.000+01:00

Ok so I’m in New York JFK airport getting ready to head back to London after 2 great nights in New York.The One is out of my head (well until I mentioned him this second) and I’ve completed my mission of taking pics of boys you’ll be pleased to know! *they will go up on the site over the next few days). And yes I’m 1 year older now…

So did I meet anyone in NY? Not really, I mingled but didn’t really meet anyone to get my pimp juices flowing….

Ok I better head to my terminal and catch my flight…bon voyage

The Muscler to Celebrate his Birthday in the US

2008-10-09T23:16:00.003+01:00

Ok so it’s my birthday this weekend. And after attempting to plan my birthday party and having a very disappointing message from The One who is undecided between the gym and my birthday, I decided last night to cancel the party. So I go onto facebook to send a cancellation to all guests (oh and if you’d like to add me, please email me at mrmuscler@gmail.com so I can add you and keep you updated on promotional gay nights and special offers, and any other stuff I have going on).

This afternoon I receive a message from a friend of mine ‘Biceps’ who has seen me over the last few weeks feeling low and lonely and attached to his email is confirmation for 2 tickets and a hotel for New York for this weekend. He understands my financial situation, my reasons for my low points, and knows me inside out. Biceps, I thank you.

So the purpose of the trip is to have fun- well it’s my birthday this saturday so you may decide to be generous with my wishtlist. In return, my mission is to take as many pics in New York of hot boys as possible. Straight, gay, bi, who cares. Ideally they will be topless…this may prove a struggle but I’ll report when I return next week hopefully with some pictures for you.

Any suggestions for gay bars or gay clubs in New York to go to would be much appreciated. I will also be shopping so tips here are kindly appreciated…

I’ll speak to you when I’m 1 year older…

Click here to view The Muscler’s wishlist

...and who knows, maybe i'll find my superhero...

PS: Today I switched on my laptop to access gaydar to find 32 messages in my inbox after having not accessed it for 24 hours!

The Muscler Enters the Online World of Gaydar, Manhunt, Fitlads & Facebook!

2008-10-07T22:40:00.004+01:00

As i'm sat here with a big open bag of jelly babies, carefully selecting the reds and blacks, and worst case scenario the oranges and greens, leaving the leftover yellows for my housemates, I am working my way through my messages on my online gay dating website profiles. Yes The Muscler is now on Gaydar, Fitlads, Manhunt and Facebook (feel free to add me on facebook: Da Muscler since 'The' was not considered a suitable first name- I mean how discriminative is that Mr Facebook? What if The Incredible Hulk wanted to setup a profile? what would he do? It's really limiting your audience, but anyway for the time being I might as well be the 36th member of The Blazing Squad as Da Muscler).

The purpose of the profiles that were setup was to see if I could find love on the internet in the gay world in London after having no real success in gay bars, clubs and gay gyms in London. So after a couple of weeks on these sites, the question is, have I? And how do they compare?

My Gaydar profile receives the most messages per day, after just 24 hours I received 47 messages...yes, wowser! The first was a 67 year old chap who kindly sent me pictures of his 'bits' but they can't all be treats like this. Amongst it all, had a good variety from gaydar ranging from young twinks, to normal guys, to hot muscle boys, to chavvy lads, bears and pervs.

Amongst these I got speaking to a nice cute muscled gay Australian lad. He sent me pictures of himself, was not sleazy and turns out he goes to my gym. So we spoke at the gym on the weekend which followed with a coffee. He's nice, vey nice and his profile did not do him justice or portray how nice he is, personality wise...so what next? Well it looks like we may train together but I don't think I felt the connection. You know, that thing your meant to feel, like feel with The One. The kind that your face lights up or you get excited when he calls...anyway, moving on.

Fitlads was a very different crowd, young chavvy lads, or very young (underage looking) gay lads, or older lads who think theyre young so decide to dress in that way. Definitely some cute guys but not the most advanced to use and not quite with the advanced search features or chat features that are available on gaydar. I will keep trying though...

Manhut i interesting. I got few messages but some very hot Americans contact me. However there does not seem to be a chat facility as with gaydar, but this may take some getting used to using. Won't dismiss it as yet.

Facebook for finding a husband...perfect. What you see is what you get. Now it's not easy to search for people and you can't quite search by age, build, location as with gaydar but it's all about relying on your friends and how good their friends are. Poking doesn't seem to be an option which everyone speaks of unless you are friends or in the same network. what I do like about facebook i that if they are tagged in pictures etc, you can see what they look like rather than relaying on model pictures taken for example which may be the case with some of these. There's also a chat facility. What I don't like though is the potentially incest common in the gay world between friends with the whole 'mutual friends' thing.

So i'll keep husband hunting on the gay chat websites and update you again on my progress in the search for my hubbie...

Why can't they just look like the guys on the gaydar homepage? They must be out there somewhere (along with a brain and good heart please!)

The Muscler Photoshoot...Part 1

2008-10-06T01:12:00.003+01:00

Yes this is a peak of the first part of the photoshoot....the great pics are to follow but I thought i'd give you a sneak peak...

The Muscler does Box, Lo Profile & The Closing Party for Heaven

2008-10-05T21:12:00.005+01:00

Saturday was a manic day for me. Following a night in with some friends watching a movie - The Strangers, which shook me up a little, and a visit to Soho Gyms with Pretzel, I got ready for a friend's birthday at The Box, a gay bar in Covent garden. My friend JJ joined me at my house where we drank some vodka and ate haribo in an attempt to get high on sugar before heading out. We get to a nicely filled, hot guy crowd at box in Covent Garden via a drug dealer's apartment where JJ picked up some coke since haribo had little affect on him. Not something I approve of of course. At this point i'm tipsy, but after a few more vodkas, i'm flirting with the guys in The Box and heading for trouble.

The agenda for the evening according to birthday boy was as following:

8-11pm: Box Bar, Covent Garden
11pm-2am: Lo Profile, Soho
2am-7am: Fire

What's missing from the above, other than sleep? Food, yes, food! How can I last 11 hours with no food? Not even a baguette! I'm hungry as we speak and not happy with this agenda. So we leave the box with a guy who used to go to my old gym...so we head to Lo Profile whilst JJ vanishes and i'm walking via the candy shop where I pick up some Hula Hoops and arrive at Lo profile smelling of beef flavour crisps after saying good night to the chap and supposedly giving him my number. I enter the very cool Lo Profile accompanied by the birthday boy and my new friends, his friends. I'm dancing away, the music's good and there's a good vibe with a hot crowd and i'm getting carried away as i'm speaking with strangers and dancing away. I'm having a great time despite stumbling everywhere and am talking with everyone. Birthday boy tells me he's heading to Fire, but i'm not tempted. I want to stay but I decide to leave and head home until i'm convinced by some of the other guys who are not part of the muscle steroid-head drug crowd who are visiting Heaven for it's closing night. So I join them. We stop off via another shop where I pickup a sausage roll and a mars bar. We enter Heaven for the very last time, the very first gay club i'd ever been to and am disappointed to se eit close. I mean, it's the only decent gay place in London that plays rnb and hip hop music and with such a diverse crowd. But nothing I can say will bring it back.

so I party with Mars Bar and his nice friends and we keep drinking. I get approached by other guys and I speak with them but have little recollection of what I actually said. So i'm in the VIP room when a particular Z list celeb approaches me. He asks me where the toilets are despite having seen him walk straight out of there. I tell him and he says "thanks. Have you come here before" "Yes, but I won't be coming back" I tell him. "Why not?" Z list asks, "Because it's closing ". So we chit chat a little, hoping he doesn't pee on me and he asks for my number. So I say it to him without him having a way of writing it down or sorting it in his phone and I walk off. So depending on how good his memory is will result in whether or not I get a call.

So after partying for a couple of hours, i'm hungry and I leave with Mars Bar and his friend. At this point i'm sobering up. We head to McDonalds, yes dangerous, and as I eat my chicken nugget meal, Mars Bar asks for my number. I give it to him and he says he wants to see me tomorrow. Do I like him? Truth is, i'm not sure. He seemed keen, but maybe I need to meet him in a more sober state before making a decision.

SO I wake up the next morning with 5 text messages- 1 from JJ, 1 from Mars Bar, 1 from Hula Hoops, Fruit Pastilles and 1 from The One.

The messages read as follows:

04:17am- JJ: "Where are u? U in fire?"

04:34am- Mars Bar: "hey sexy, was nce to meet u last night. just got in and my heating's not working, wish i had u here to keep me warm. chat 2moro.x"

10.48am- Hula Hoops: "Hey not sure if you remember me, but I walked you to Lo Profile and I live just opposite that you love. Fancy grabbing a drink sometime?xx"

11:08am- Fruit Pastilles: "how's the head?"

11:42am- The One: "Hey got your email about your birthday. I've got gym on the Sunday morning so really can't make it. have a nice one though matey."

Yes I had actually saved these people in my phone as food names that i was in eating when i met them. but what are their real names? or are they just very unfortunate people with names like hula hoops? and when did I eat Fruit Pastilles? And who did I give my yellows to since I don't eat them?

As for the text from The One, this was my biggest disappointment. I mean, if the gym means more to him than coming for a nice meal and drinks with friends, then clearly I know where I stand. I'm not replying. There's less than 7 days until my birthday (yes feel free to surprise me from my wishlist), but am sad that he won't be there. Even if it was just for 5 minutes to hold me in his arms and wish me a happy birthday. I miss him...

Let's not dwell on that though and concentrate on finding out the real names of my confectionery friends, and work hard at the gym to burn off this bad food!

Husband WANTED

2008-10-02T22:55:00.001+01:00

ok before i give up and move onto the straight life, let's give this gay thing another go...

Obviously this isn't what i'm looking for in a gay relationship, but I came across the following and thought it was funny....

So Sunday was a nice sunny day, so I went to Hampstead along with my entourage: Whitey and Pretzel to do the photoshoot for the blog- well the first part of the photoshoot. It was a nice sunny day so we headed to hampstead heath, a popular gay cruising ground, but more importantly a very beautiful park perfect for the photoshoot.

Whitey was cameraman, whilst Pretzel called himself 'Creative Director'. As I stood in the park topless and in shorts, I felt uncomfortable, but I gave it my best shot and i the next couple of weeks once developed you should see the outcome. The 2nd photoshoot will be less public and potentially raunchier and will take place this weekend...

So watch this space for the pics...

Baby names

2008-10-01T22:22:00.005+01:00

Ok, so I've been thinking, if I was happy with Mary & chose to lead the straight life, what would we call our babies?

These are my top baby name options:

If we had a boy:

1. Zoltan
2. Muscler Junior
3. Tristan

If we had a girl:

1. Baby
2. Valencia
3. Ellen (if she was a lesbian)

...that's made me think though? Clearly i have some kind of gayness in me- is this hereditary? Will my, well our, babies have gayness in them? will they be gaybies?

This is how I picture things working in the future...yes this is the futur eof birth. Men as well as women can give birth. And when the man or woman goes to see the gynecologist, he/she says "would you like to know the sex of the baby" to which he/she responds yes or no, and the answer will either be:

"you are having a boy"
"you are having a girl"
"you are having a gay"

And yes, if its a gay, the carrying mother/father says "ooh i could just tell it was a gaybee i was having...". I am of course talking crazy but anyway...

Ok so what would need to change in my life? Obviously going out to gay bars, clubs, using gay gyms like sweatbox, and doing 'stuff' with guys. That's fine. Obviously my friends are my friends and they will remain, well the ones that are supportive.

Would I need to tell Mary about myself? Yes....how would she take it? i'm not sure.

A friend of mine suggested that I need to lose my 'flower' and explore the wonders of gay sex before turning boys down...

Is this the direction I want to go in? Or is is the peer pressure of others getting married, engaged, having babies and generally happy around me while I feel down. My plus ones to birthdays tend to involve me and my gym bag or me taking a friend because i'm too much of a loser to bring a date as i tend to get dumped by that time.

When Muscler Met Mary

2008-09-29T22:20:00.006+01:00

My name's The Muscler and I'm a Lesbian...Yes it's official, i'm a muff diving, fanny licking, lesbian. Confused? Well so am I!

Ok let's take it back to Friday night. So I have a friend's birthday dinner where we head to one of my favourite restaurants in Soho - Busaba Eathai. After a 15 minute wait in a fast moving long queue, we enter and I sit beside a close friend of mine...Mary. She's great. She stunning and has a perfect petite little body on her and is the NICEST person in the world. So the night passes, we eat, I eat a lot of her food that she couldn't manage to eat (which makes me happy) and it gets to about 11pm. Ok amongst this there are 4 other people there (2 couples, my closest friends), they eat too, we chit chat and we eat a cake. Oh but there's no candles so he just blows... (not in that sense for the dirty minded out there!).

Anyway, back to me and Mary. So these friends that i'm with know about my current sexual 'confusion' but Mary doesn't. And they noticed this bond with Mary. A bond I haven't felt for anyone in quite a while. She makes me smile. She's hot. And we had a great time together. So it gets to about 11pm and as the others walk to Leicester square station, Mary asks me to walk her to Charing Cross station- naturally I do as I don't want her walking the streets of Soho alone. And as we walk we get to Trafalgar Square and we have a little wonder. One thing lead to another, and we're kissing.

Not a little peck on the cheek kiss, but a proper frogs-legs eating, croissant, snail sucking french kiss. As we kiss she feels my rock hard bulge up against her leg and she says "Oohh someones feeling horny!". In a state of major confusion I give her a hug and brush her off and call Pretzel. He's in Shadow Lounge - a gay bar/club in Soho. I'm on the phone to him saying "I think I'm a lesbian" but it's too loud and he can't understand me. So I head to Shadow Lounge where the hot doorman let me in for free. I decide not to mention what had happened to Pretzel and look around at Shadow and am disappointed to not see anyone who really gets my pimp juice flowing.

So an hour later I head home. Lost, confused and without the frankest idea what I'm meant to do next. As I walk in I put my phone on to charge to find 2 very sweet texts from Mary, and I couldn't wait to reply...

So the real question is, am I a lesbian? But in all seriousness...am I gay? Straight? Bi? who knows. And I know this won't be something that you can answer, but I guess I need your help working out what to do...

Fitlads wins best gay dating chat website...apparently...

2008-09-22T23:29:00.006+01:00

Ok i've received several complaints after Fitlads won best gay dating chat website on the blog recently. The poll seemed like an easy win for Gaydar who had the lead for the majority of the time followed by Facebook and Manhunt. Until I checked the stats one day and saw Fitlsds go from a 4 to a 57% vote. For those of you who don't know FitLads, it is a site that is chav or scally focused - in other words lads in trackies, trainers and saying things like "bruvs" and "bredjwin" - for the non British readers who may not understand - they wear sweater bottoms and sneakers and it overall looks pretty sexy (I think), but not everyone goes for this look and the site is UK focused.

ok the pic below isn't quite what i'd go for but i like the cool chilled relaxed sporty look generally and this gives u an idea...

Anyway, rumour has it that Fitlads conducted some activity to drive these votes which i'm a little disappointed about. Anyway, I am still planning to setup profiles on all of the winning sites as voted for in the blog, however this will not be done until after the photo shoot is complete. In the meantime, the current poll looks at the best gay bars in soho in London currently with Box bar in the lead.

I will also be making a decision over the next few days over what is going to happen with the competition to win a date with the muscler.

There's lots of exciting stuff coming up on the blog over the next few weeks, so watch this space...

The Muscler to be Transformed

2008-09-22T22:02:00.003+01:00

Ok the mission is set....the Muscler will be going for a new look. Yes I'm not quite 100% happy with the way I currently look so along with a strict diet, training regime whether it be at my gym, sweatbox, or one of the other gay gyms in london, I'm going to train my butt off to look awesome and more importantly feel confident in the way I look. The wardrobe this weekend will be replaced and the hair transformed. Yes this is the transformation of the Muscler. So along with a friend I have put together a new training programme which I will be following for the next 4 weeks in order to look like either of these guys! (with abs being trained daily).

The Muscler's new Workout Regime

MONDAY: SHOULDERS

FRONT PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
BACK PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
SIDE RAISES 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
FRONT PULL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
BENT OVER PULL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
CRUNCHES 4 SETS 100 REPS

TUESDAY: LEGS & TRICEPS

STRAIGHT LEG PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
45' LEG PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
LEG EXTENSIONS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
HAMSTRINGS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
CALF RAISES 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
STANDING FRENCH PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
2 ARM 1 DUMB BELL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
DIPS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS

WEDNESDAY: CHEST & BACK

INCLINE STRAIGHT BAR 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
DECLINE STRAIGHT BAR 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
INCLINE DUMB BELL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
PULL OVERS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
FRONT PULL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
ROW MACHINE 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
STANDING ROW 4 SETS 8-10 REPS

THURSDAY: BICEPS

STANDING CURLS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
PREACHER CURLS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
STRAIGHT BAR 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
HAMMERS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
7 DEVILS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
SKULL THRASHER 4 SETS 8-10 REPS

FRIDAY: REST

SATURDAY: CHEST & BACK

FLAT BENCH STRAIGHT PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
PECK DECK 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
FLAT DUMB BELL PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
FLY'S 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
BACK PULL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
T-BAR PULL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
DEAD LIFTS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS

SUNDAY: LEGS & TRICEPS REP RANGE

STRAIGHT LEG PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
45' LEG PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
LEG EXTENSIONS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
HAMSTRINGS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
CALF RAISES 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
STANDING FRENCH PRESS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
2 ARM 1 DUMB BELL 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
SKULL CRUCHERS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS
DIPS 4 SETS 8-10 REPS

It's important to change your workout programme every 2 months, so the above has been compiled by a friend who has guaranteed me that I will look like superman in 1 month...let's see!

Guys will walk past me on the street and pass out from the excitement of getting so close to me. Ok not quite but that would be nice. There will be no more speaking of The One as the guys will be queuing to take their turn in an attempt to crack my code to enter my heart as the love of my life and make babies (ideally 2, one boy called Bert and a girl who I will name Betty).

The Muscler to do New York

2008-09-19T08:15:00.003+01:00

Yes the muscler literally just booked a flight to New York. Yes The Muscler will be visiting the Big Apple. Feeling Random it was booked with no consideration of where to stay for the 2 weeks of his stay over the new years period and where to go out, etc, so your suggestions would be much appreciated.

I am looking at staying at the Chelsea International Hostel i a dorm, so am a little nervous as i've never shared a room with strangers before, so any advice/feedback on this hostel or others in general would be greatly appreciated! I've heard mixed reviews. Who knows, if i'm sharing a room with 9 other boys, one of them may turn out to be my husband. I just want to wake up in the morning de-flowered and robbed. The hostel is in a pretty gay location i believe (Chelsea).

Ok so i'm in New York for 2 weeks - what the f$*k can I do for 2 weeks! Especially being hard up on cash at the moment. Well I didn't think about this and just booked it.

Any recommendations of what I can do to:

- Book a cheap place to stay (most cheap single rooms are booked and i'm on a tight budget)
- Where to go out at night
- Where to eat
- Where to go for New Years?
- Where to work out - is it possible to train at David Barton or 2 weeks?!

Your advice would be much appreciated!

The Muscler Makeover

2008-09-16T01:00:00.001+01:00

Yes do you have what it takes? Are you creative? Or do you know anyone who is creative? The Muscler is running a competition.

I’m looking to introduce a new look to the website in addition to lots more activity and I’m looking for a leading designer to create a logo for The Muscler. The prize at present is yet to be disclosed but will involve meeting the muscler and potentially working on additional projects. The winning designer will also be fully referenced on the website. There will be no monetary reward however, understandably your work will receive a high level of exposure.

So get your super logos to the muscler at mrmuscler@gmail.com by 1st October 2008. If you have any questions feel free to email me. All entries will be displayed on the website fully referenced unless otherwise stated. Remember to send this onto any designer friends that you may have for their chance to shine!

The logo will need to be funky and encompass the beliefs of the muscler…or simply it needs to look cool. I will leave it to your creative talents…

The Muscler to run for Gay President and the Petrol Crisis

2008-09-14T22:44:00.003+01:00

Yes you read right. The Muscler is planning to run for president as the UK’s very first gay president / prime minister…ok not quite. But after several emails over the past week about my recent behaviour, I thought I would take a minute to have a think about my current situation, my outlook on life, and what I’m doing to contribute to our world.

Here is a snapshot of some of the emails I have received, all of whom have ok’d it going onto the blog and have all had personal responses. Feel free to email me at: mrmuscler@gmail.com if you’d like to speak to me about anything privately, otherwise please feel free to comment on the blog…

Email 1:
“I have been reading your blog since day and 1 am a little disappointed that you’ve let yourself go - I mean, kissing what 3 boys in the past week? This isn’t The-Muscler that I know. What you have is beautiful, don’t change the way you are to fit in with the others”.

Email 2:
“Why do you always write about not so serious stuff like lovelife and sex and gay saunas and chat websites when there are bigger problems on this earth than you finding a gay boy?”

Email 3:
“I’m not out and came across your blog and wondered if you think kissing on the first date or going further is the way to go, rather than holding onto that flower you so deeply treasure? I don’t want to be rushed into doing something until I’m ready and I think you are the only person that can relate to that. I’m hoping you stay that way.”.

It’s my secret combination that my future husband will need to find in order to unlock what’s in my heart and release that flower that I so deeply guard. And when it’s released, it’ll grow into something beautiful…well that’s what I’m hoping. Truth of the matter is the guy will probably be let down for my lack of experience in the bedroom and cheat on me with some other chump who over the past 4 years of living in London since moving down from Newcastle, has bent every which we he can, more than the BOT, in order to train his ass up to be something of a bucket. Flowers are growing inside this pot of soil and his reputation continues to be damaged. This is not what I want.

So whether I find him via a gay dating website, in a supermarket, at the pic n mix candy shop by tottenham court road station, or in a gay bar or club, the process by which I screen these candidates as potential husbands should remain the same.

Therefore I will be taking more of a serious approach on the hubby hunt. And considering the consequences of kissing or doing more with someone before doing it. Afterall, this isn’t what I’m after…

Therefore, taking my more serious approach on things and looking at what I can do in the meantime to help our world, I am looking at alternative forms of transportation in order to aid the petrol crisis. Yes, no driving for me, more walking, less buses. The petrol/gas crisis has been an issue that is growing greater and greater by the day. The video below is not only a great song and video, but the message which may not be so obvious to you all, is to frickin help save our world from this petrol crisis, entitled NO MORE GAS and with messages like “How you gonna fix it?”, and “tick tock” to indicate how we are running out of time”. Watch it, enjoy it, and help save our world.

President Muscler.x

Next time: The Economic downturn and how it will affect us in the work place

The Muscler does Rome @ Lo Profile

2008-09-11T09:33:00.006+01:00

Following on from my workout session at SweatBox on Sunday, I met my friend CallBoy for some drinks in soho before heading to gaydar owned gay club Lo Profile for the club night Rome. We enter and are a little disappointed to see tops on and not much of a crowd. But after a bottle of white wine served to us by the hunky Brazilian bar man (in fact all of the bar staff in there are dead hot...), the place fills out quite nicely with a friendly and good looking crowd with around a 37% tops off rate. Not your usual sleaze that you may find in some of the Vauxhall gay clubs or Hustler Ball for example, and not a bear in site! To top things off, trays of sweets and fruit were distrubuted by further hunky brazilian boys... So i'm on a sugar rush and ready to find my husband.

A boy catches my site, he looks very American. He's wearing a low buttoned grey shirt and dark blue jeans. He smiles. I smile. He smiles again. I melt like a Mr Whippy Ice Cream in a gay sauna. He talks to me and he seems very nice, infact a little reserved like myself, which is a good thing, but unfortunately not American. We head to the bar where one of the hot bar men whispers in my ear "I like you" as he takes my order. He's hot, and although I thought he was straight, clearly not. He get me my Jack Daniels with coke and vodka lemonade for my new cutie and as he passes me my change, slips me his number on a small piece of paper. He realises that I may be with this boy, but I take the paper and put it in my back pocket.

So back to the boy, we will call him The Hottie. He's a personal trainer and model - can you get any hotter? Seriously! But he's hesitant about kissing me in public. Is he out? Yes. Is he scared because he's shy? Maybe. Or is he a player who wants to keep his options open? Who knows?! So we switch numbers, where he's very discreet and I receive a standard "was real nice to meet you tonight, let's do something soon" text, which he could have easily sent to 23 other guys...

So other than that we dance to some good music, I look at a couple of other hotties, and by 12 I head home to make the tube....that's the beauty of these Sunday Club nights that start at 6...

So what's happened since you may ask?

The next day I text The Brazilian Bar man and he texts back and we arrange to go for dinner that evening. Nandos is the obvious choice and following on from this we head to mine and put on MTV Base. We get along. He's nice. In fact he's so nice, like every Brazilian I have met. However I know that from previous reader comments, some of you have not had that same experience and there are some out there that certainly give the nice Brazilians like this one a bad name. So we're cuddled up and we kiss... but am I gonna see him again? Yes, but will it be as a date? I'm not sure. My hesitance in writing this makes me think friends may be best...but how do I tell him without hurting him?

As for the Hottie, I didn't get in touch with him and on Tuesday I receive several texts and he even calls me. He's keen, like I normally am. I'm surprised, I mean, he's chasing me and he's perfect in every way (from what I can see). So he finished work at 4 and I tell him I finish at 6.30, but he waits. We head to mine via Tesco, we cook and then we cuddle up to a movie. We have that kiss that I wanted so bad at Lo Profile and one thing leads to another. We're naked and my reserved nature is out the balcony along with my aussiebums. I'm looking at him. And i'm thinking wow. He then opens up to me, he tells me of his past, something I was not expecting to hear, well at least not during the nudity stage, but I don't care. The past is behind us and I just want to keep doing naked stuff. So once we're done playing, we're cuddled naked and it's around 11pm. I struggle to sleep but eventually pass out. Next thing you know I hear a ruffle. I wake up and he's putting on his trousers. Yes he's going. "I'm tired" he explains "and I can't sleep". What did I do wrong? So I ask him, "What did I do wrong?", "Nothing" he tells me. So it's 2am and he trecks back home via 2 buses on a 1.5 hour journey rather than lying in bed naked with me.

We text several times between then and he cancels our plans for tonight as he doesn't feel well. But I like him, what can I do? I need to hold off the calls and txts. But what should I do? Readers I would appreciate your advice now more than ever. We don't want another 'American Boi' situation!

Tip of the Day: Don't eat Ice Cream in gay saunas!

PS: A big thank you to Gay Banker and Mr Anonymous for their generous gifts from my wishlist. If anyone else is feeling generous, please feel free to order here.

Muscler does London Gay Gym / Sauna SweatBox Soho : Exclusive £5 entry for Muscler Readers

2008-09-08T21:34:00.014+01:00

Just email info@sweatboxsoho.com with the subject heading MUSCLER DISCOUNT or mention Confessions of a Muscler in your email for your exclusive £5 entry on your first visit to SweatBox in Soho open daily 2pm-2am...

After lots of interest in the new London gay gym and sauna SweatBox in Soho, the Muscler kindly accepted SweatBox's invitation to trial it for the day. So I arrive at Oxford Circus and head towards Great Marlborough Street, just round the corner from gay friendly gym Fitness First Kingly Street. The building is nicely lit from the outside and u can see the main gym area from the outside whilst the weights room is downstairs. After being greeted by the friendly guy on reception, I head downstairs to the locker room where I walk in to see one of the hunky men from the website in his boxers. The locker room is darkly lit which I found a little odd and the whole building has this red-black funky colour scheme. I use the key to open the locker whilst keeping an eye on mr hunky who unfortunately was just finishing up, and find the following contents in the locker:

- 2 towels: I guess 1 for training, 1 for showering
- 1 x condom
- 1 x lube

My only real issue was that it was darkly lit which I thought was a bit odd for a locker room, but after little sleep on sat night, maybe that was a good thing. I get a smile from mr hunky and step out to explore the rest of the building. So I'm 2 floors deep and look at the other rooms doors surrounding the locker room. The first was a chillout room which had funky chairs, a tv showing 'Friends' and magazines. It's a nice room to hang in and not sleazy but the perfect place for the Muscler to cuddle mr hunky if he hadn't left us to go home and make love to his boyfriend who's probably some equally hot chump... Anyway,we're over it...

So I continue looking around at what is basically my first gay sauna experience. Infact Sweatbox's website describes it perfectly as a cross between gay sauna Chariots and New York gay gym David Barton. Not that i've ever been to Chariots, but let's take their word for it. It's clean, classy and funky. I continue to peak around this floor and open a door to a maze of rooms all clean looking with mini bed things and gym mats on the floor... I then see a sign for a darkroom which I wasn't keen on entering so I head back and enter another area with rooms with mirrors and a very futuristic spacey affect.

I leave the lower base and head 1 floor up where I find 2 toilets- not a mens and a ladies but a urinals one and a poo-ing one. Even these rooms are funky and very clean...

I then keep wandering round this floor which shares the level with the weights room and the huge spa area and showers. There are also massage rooms on this floor.

So I head to the gym, the real reason for my visit. There were only 2 other people in there which was perfect. I would advise anyone who wants to use it to get in there quick, ie, over the next month as it's a great place to workout and will no doubt be taken over by the scene queens in no time and with foam style parties in the evening this is likely to be a big hit with the Soho boys by next summer...I tried to take pictures but because of the lights and the mirrors these didn't come out too well, but gives you a bit of an idea...

So I have a good 45 minute workout in preparation for tonights event at Lo Profile organized by Gaydar called Rome- I'm not quite sure why it's called Rome but I'm hoping there will be hot Italians there...

So I'm training away and am glad to see that most of the equipment which is all brand new and red, is Life Fitness so not dissimilar from what i've been using at fitness first and I believe also true of soho gyms.

My favourite piece of equipment was the pair of fluffy balls... Great to do situps on and even funnier to be able to be able to say 'can I do a set on your fluffy balls?'

So I then head to the weights room and am glad to see a good range of weights, benches and mirrors. No queuing for benches which felt great. I then struggled to find stretching mats to finish off with some situps but took a good run on the running machine. So one concern would be the lack of mats, but with the gym being so nicely spaced unlike overly crowded covent garden and kingly street gay fitness first, there is certainly room for mats, or maybe i didn't see them (or maybe these mats were left back in the rooms for baby making as they had mats!). Also, not that I ever buy any (as i take my own), but I didn't see any fridges for protein shakes etc, but maybe I just didn't spot them. but I was glad to see water machines, to receive towels and nice hot showers...yes the muscler got completely naked and showered in the large open shower area. Yes it was the first for the muscler publicly showering in front of complete strangers...so i'm stood there showering completed naked and then grab my towel as i feel the weight of the eyes looking over at me from the neighbouring showers and enter one of the many spa/steam/sauna rooms. It has a jacuzzi type thing in the middle of the room and I dip my feet in and then start splashing about as i'm alone in the room. Then he enters, yes the celeb mentioned in a previous post...why is he there? he asks me the same thing and i explained that i came to workout, to which he replies 'i'm horny, came to see what i could find'. I get up and go, just in shock that he would so openly say that to me. What did he think I was going to do, bend over? Nope, this flower's going nowhere for the time being....

So how does this differ from Paris gyms? Well the staff at both are very nice and they have more equipment. Whereas Sweatbox is a gym with extras...whether or not these extras will interest everyone is a different story but I enjoyed working out and then relaxing i the spa area. No doubt the evening (since the gym is open 2pm-2am) is packed out with guys in the sauna but no doubt I will need another visit for this...but i'm sure, as always, the muscler will behave. I would therefore strongly advise a visit to SweatBox- a greta place to workout and those of u feeling a little horny from 2 til 2, well worth a squirt. And from the things i've heard about Chariots, at present this is not as busy but is certainly clean which is key. And for someone who doesn't want to train and doesn't want to make babies, well, i'd say Trocadero is the place for you- with pic n mic, a cinema and tons of arcades, you can't go wrong!

So if you want a good workout with good equipment in a friendly atmosphere with good music playing in the background and a nice funky moulin rouge style atmosphere, then SweatBox is the place for you. Alternatively if you are looking for a sauna for some horny baby making fun, then try out the sauna. And if you fancy a bit of both, well then definitely give it a go! And a visit just for the fluffy balls is worth it! I also liked the chillout room, but could certainly see some food or drinks being served in there and maybe wireless access to get some husband material lawyers in to work away whilst waiting for me to finish training before we head to the theatre and for dinner...

So if you're interested in discounted entry, take advantage of the current Muscler offer of £5 entry per visit: Just email info@sweatboxsoho.com with the subject heading MUSCLER DISCOUNT or mention Confessions of a Muscler in your email for your exclusive £5 entry on your first visit to SweatBox in Soho open daily 2pm-2am... http://www.sweatboxsoho.com

To view a list of gay gyms in London, visit the gay8 gay gyms in London page

I'm guilty...

2008-09-06T19:49:00.005+01:00

I feel low. Nothing
anyone says can change that.
And I can't explain it. Does anyone
..................ever feel like that?
........................I woke up today
...........................feeling so so
..............................miserable &
..............................decided that
.............................shopping might
..............................be a good way
..........................to resolve this.
...........................But shopping
.......................without money
..................'window shopping'
.................some would say
...........is less effective
..........without money
.......so I decide to
.....get some pic n
....mix candy on
....way home and
....then as i
....pass the
.....kebab
......shop
....

...I did
..something
....bad!

Tip of the Day: When feeling low, don't order a lamb anc chicken shish kebab, chips & sausage in batter after £6.28 on pic n mix candy!

My date with the Brazilian Hunk..

2008-09-06T12:47:00.000+01:00

Ok so on a recent post I mentioned a guy that I have known for a while but switched numbers with in Soho on Saturday night- he's a tall, intelligent, muscled and very sexy Brazilian guy. We had much in common like the desire to get married and eat candy! So we met post gym and he suggests pizza- yes, carbs! So it's 20:12 and i'm at the cheap (but tasty) pizza place near Charlotte Street (i've forgotten the name, but those who know it, know how good it is!) and yes we're ordering a pizza...each! So yes you're frowning at the carbs post 5pm, but I don't understand this rule. I mean, last year, it was no carbs after 6pm, the year before after 7pm, give it a few years and we'll be on no carbs before 8am.

So we walking back to mine where I have a selection of DVDs for him to choose from, and he picks '30 Days of Night' ...why God why? I mean, I couldn't think of anything less romantic than vampires running around sucking the blood out of everyone...but it turned out good (partly because Josh Hartnett was in it and those of you regular readers know I saw him last week). He cuddled me and I felt safe and he similarly cringed at the site of blood. So the movie ends and he tells me he needs to head home, so we kiss at the door and my Brazilian hunk leaves me to fend the vampire nightmares for myself...

As hoped he sends me a message thanking me for a great night and how much he wants to see me again...but 2 days on and nothing....in the meantime i'm going to continue to go out and meet people and am working on my gay online dating profiles!

Tip of the day: Turn your clock back and eat carbs... they taste good!

5 dating website, 1 month, 5 first dates, 1 boyfriend

2008-09-04T09:02:00.000+01:00

Yes over the next month, I will setup 5 gay dating website profiles, potentially with the aid of Whitey as my cameraman, and ideally from each I will go on a date with 1 from each and yes you will get all the juicy, or just not so juicy, goss, in the aim of finding a boyfriend in the outcome. Yes you will see a selection of messages and potential husbands/dates...I’m not sure exactly how it will work, but I may get you, my loyal readers, to help me decide which guy to go on a date with. Obviously it’s not fair to show pictures or reveal details of these guys, but I’ll find a way round it. Based on advice from a friend, I have been advised that it may be wise not to inform you of my profile names where possible (sorry y’all!). Simply because there will be people deliberately testing me who read this blog! Yes and for those of you who don’t know, I already have a stalker…and Malcolm, whoever you are, stalking me is not the way to my heart….a nice kebab, cuddles and some candy? Yep!

So the websites i'm going for based on the vote thus far on the right:

- Gaydar
- Facebook
- Manhunt
- Gay Romeo
- Fitlads

I have also been highly recommended BigMuscle and Dudes Nude (which wasn't on the list), so let me know your thoughts on these, although they seem a little niche (BigMuscle is only for muscleheads potentially and DudesNude must be naked people?!)

In the meanwhile while i'm doing this, after seeing this on LonodnPreppy's website, I thought it might be a good idea to setup an Amazon Wishlist....why? Is it my birthday coming up? Yes... but more importantly it gives you a greater idea of what I like, and well, if you choose to, you can buy me things!
click here to view the muscler's wishlist and buy me nice things =)

Sale Now On: 26 hours to go: Order The Muscler Online

2008-09-01T00:57:00.000+01:00

Yes this is your chance to order your exclusive Muscler online. For a limited time only, The Muscler is available to buy online.

Yes the Muscler’s struggle to find a boyfriend is open so make your bid now!

Yes that's right! How you may ask? And no i'm not an escort!

Well it works like eBay, you make your bid… Except it’s not with money. You suggest the perfect date that you’d like to take me on, and if yours sounds to me like the most perfect date, well you win a date with me! Well you might, it depends on lots of factors ...Well as most of my readers are in the US, Canada and Australia I’m not quite sure how this will work unless you buy me a ticket, but it sounds fun so let’s give it a go!

So, if you had the chance to spend a day or evening with me, what would we do?

If this doesn't work, then we have gay dating websites like gaydar and manhunt...

The date with blondie @ inamo

2008-08-31T23:31:00.000+01:00

Ok so after spending quite a bit of time with blondie, on Sunday and Monday night, I don’t really hear from him during the week. A bad sign. We text a little but nothing to relly get my juices flowing…so I ask him when he wants to see me and he suggests dinner on Friday night. I pick the restaurant, of course, and as Inamo Restaurant on Wardour Street, the venue of my last first date with the hot guys from my gym, were doing a 50% off this week (so rather than a meal costing about £60 each its about £30), this seemed the perfect choice. The only problem was that they were fully booked and could only squeeze us in at 9.30…. I hold back from telling him about the amazing features of the restaurant, and I was disappointed to see that it did not excite him. I mean, flashing lights, games, chefcam…how could you not cream your pants?

So I spent most of the night playing with the colours and playing video games on the table…and despite how goodlooking he is and yes hs handsome face is sat on top of this perfect body yes, I was not fascinated by the conversation. There was just nothing there, and looks aside it was just not right for me. To top it off, there was an amazingly hot guy sat right behind him who I kept staring at…when he noticed, Blondie asked “Would you rather sit with him” to which I replied “Yes please!”, I mean he was hot and was trying to convince his girlfriend to play battleships, but she wasn’t having it. So the best solution would have been to sit the 2 girls together and I sit with my new hubby….but unfortunately he’s straight, I guess. He reminds me of this hot guy at my gym, I will call him Brad, who trains with his girlfriend. He’s tanned, muscled, got blonde shaved head and tattoos. What makes it worse is he has this skinny little bimbo girlfriend and they wear matching outfits…yes they are that cool!

Anyway back to my date, so we order food, chit chat, but it’s not feeling right. I mean, yes I want to be with someone, but not just anyone. He’s not for me and I think he clearly feels the same way. Yes he’s a nice guy, but it just isn’t meant to be. And why should I settle for this one just to have someone. We haven’t discussed it but I think it was made quite clear and his constant usage of ‘mate’ in texts makes it quite clear to me anyway. Since I didn't manage to get any pics in the restaurant last time, i've taken some so that you can experience it, well kinda, just as i've had quite a few questions about Inamo on Wardour Street in London:

So we leave Inamo and we see Josh Hartnett- yes, yummy. He is in a show and as we walk to Rupert Street for a drink, Josh Hartnett steps out ready to be mobbed by a huge crowd. I try to take a couple of pictures on my phone, they’re not amazing but here you go…

So I’ve decided to do it, to go online and see if my luck through gay dating chat websites will be any better. So Gaydar and other ones based on the poll on this blog will be setup in the coming weeks… watch this space, this is where it gets interesting…

To add to the excitement, a certain guy that i've liked for quite a while from my gym who I saw last night in a bar asked for my number and we will have a date on Wednesday (if I don't scare him off in the meantime!)....so yes, the muscler is ready to take on the world.

What else has happened in the last week? My ex boyfriend wants to get back together, we spent the day together having lunch in camden by the river, my idea of course, but can I get back with someone who treated me so badly in the past? And we gymed together today also...What else...Oh yes I had a nice evening with a friend on wednesday night where we ate Nandos, watched Batman which was awesome (except it was so long that I fell asleep at the end) and a real nice night out with Bread Lady on Thursday night where we went to a Thai restaurant called Bambou just off Charlotte Street - the food was nice, and the cocktail amazing. We then head to Eagles Diner which is just around the corner form the Edge and order vodka milkshakes - yes how nice do they look (and believe it or not, we added the candy!!)...they are stronger than they look...

Tip of the day: Carry your own candy to bars - you never know when you might need them as a missing ingredient!

The Muscler does Salvation....drunk!

2008-08-28T11:09:00.000+01:00

Ok so the hunt is currently on freeze… yes after a night at salvation on Sunday, there is a temporary freeze on the hubby hunt.

So the day starts with a little hangover after a friend’s house party. I head to the gym but have very little energy so am persuaded by a hungover Whitey to visit a pikey pub, which is part of a chain of pikey pubs, called Weatherspoons. And as we arrive sleepless and drained at the ‘posh’ Weatherspoons in Soho we order a sandwich and some greasy chips, (oh yes, the carbs you may frown!) and a jug of vodka redbull to wake us up and energise us for one of the greatest parties of the year – Salvation… This is my last chance to find a husband before resorting to a gay dating website. And yes I know, filling up on the carbs and drinking away is probably not the normal gay way to do it- I should be in the gym pumping away until it opens and starving myself all except for 2 carrots a day just so that my abs stick out. But my theory is that finding a husband is like a full time job, and for that job you need energy, which needs food + vodka + redbull.

We then head to Salvation and fortunately are on a VIP list which means no queues…well normally. The queue consisted of fake tanned, extra small sized vest wearing chumps huddled in this queue which continued around the corner. I dread to think what the normal queue is like. So we’re off to a bad start. I’m in this long queue, not moving, surrounded by chumps and I need to pee….yes, life is as its worst…

So we’re in, we’re dancing and that’s when I see The Boi- yes it’s been a while since we’ve spoken about him. So we’re talking whilst Whitey is in the bathroom as it seems that he has a very week bladder, and as we speak a mutual facebook friend who is kinda cute walks past says hi to me and then starts tongueing The Boi- whilst mid conversation with me. Yes. So, feeling awkward as they’re practically making babies in front of me, a sad muscler walks off where he bumps into the gym date from Friday night. Yes he’s here and has a baseball cap on and looks ubber hot. So without looking like too much of a loner for too long I say Hi and thankfully Whitey returns from the bathroom via the bar with a much needed vodka lemonade for me..

So we continue to get drunk and I’m feeling beyond the point of tipsy, so we get up on the stage and dance. Yes me and Whitey are strutting our stuff (moreso me as Whitey’s busy texting Canny), and are later joined by Dean. As I’m dancing away, for once I feel positive. I dislike attention, but for once I liked it. I had people looking at me in a positive light so I continue to dance away until a 6ft 4 tranny jumps onto the stage, shouts “move it bitch” and pushes me off. Yes, she had been paid to dance there (for some bizarre reason…I’d much rather see a hunky guy in little red shorts and a handkerchief around his neck rather than this very unattractive and tough tranny).

So as the tranny dances over me with her pink hair flowing and her cock hanging down between her legs, I get introduced by a friend to a guy. He’s a trainer at my gym and very very hot. He has the perfect body, perfect smile, everything. So we’re dancing away and get close. He asks for my number and tells me he’s staying with me that night. He continues to dance whilst feeling up other boys, which I found a little disappointing. At the same time, I am chatted up by a guy. I couldn’t work out if he was drunk or on drugs, but his blondish brown hair, blue eyes and perfectly toned body had my attention. We dance and I feel his ass, I’m now bored of the trainer and move onto blondie. He’s genuine, decent and fun. And yes it was just drink that he was on which was perfect.

So it gets to about 12, and we’re getting a little tired and blondie suggests that we get a kebab, go home and cuddle- yes this is my perfect man. We walk home and stop off at the kebab shop, get 2 chicken shishes and walk to mine. We put on a movie, “Knocked Up” which was awesome and spend all night cuddling, kissing…and some other stuff…. We then getup, shower together (naked) and then go for a nice full english breakfast before I head to the gym. It’s almost like this boy wants me to get fat! We then part, but he returns later that evening for more cuddles and stays with me on Monday night too…

My Virtual First Date

2008-08-23T17:30:00.000+01:00

Yes my first virtual first date...and no I don't mean a webcam date or a date from someone i've met from a gay dating website...

Ok so I had a first date on Friday night, the first since my date with the American Boi. And I must admit, it was one of the most interesting dates i've had in quite a while...

The guy is a little older than me, sporty and although he goes to my gym, i've known him for a few years through mutual friends (real ones, not facebook ones), and yet we've never managed to arrange a date. He asked me to meet him outside Costa Coffee on Old Compton Street, which I thought was a little 'gay' but oh well...we then walk towards one of my favourite restaurants Busaba on Wardour Street, but with a queue of about 73 chumps, we decided to keep on walking. That's when we pass this restaurant...it has flashing lights inside, happy looking people eating meat, no name sign and no menus...the door was closed, so we had to eat there (we later find out that this restaurant is called inamo on Wardour Street). I knock on the door and the guy with the nose job opens the door to us.

Muscler: "Hi what food do you do?"
NoseJob: "We are not open yet'
Muscler: "What food do you do?"
NoseJob: "Thai and Chinese"
Muscler: "Oooh great, can we have a table for 2 please"
NoseJob: "We are not open yet"
Muscler: "But there are people in there now eating"
NoseJob: "It's a preview nght for friends and critics..."
Muscler: "Well theres an empty table there..."
NoseJob: "Ok i will see what i can do... Ok, i can get you in..."

As he smuggles us in like we're umpa lumpas attempting to escape the chocolate factory, we are introduced to an interactive dining service... Now the smuggler, aka, NoseJob hasn't necessarily had a nose job- just to clear things he reminds me of someone who mistreated me in the past who had one done recently...if you are reading this mr waiter man, apologies and if you've not had a nosejob, you have a perfect nose!

So NoseJob tells us about the interactive dining service - this is so much cooler than it sounds and i'm by no means doing it justice - it was a perfect first date venue. The table was basically some kind of VDU whereby you had a cursor on the table to make your selection - you could click on options including drinks, starters, mains & deserts to preview these foods, click on entertainment to play games on the table with or without your date!, click on ChefCam (my favourite facility) to view the chefs cooking your food!, and tons more...basically other than to bring your food, there is no longer a need for a waiter (with or without a nosejob) - you order all of your food/drink and even request the bill via this system. Ohhh and the other favourite feature is the ability to amend the atmosphere- whether it be the temparature through the aircon system through to the colour of the table and the patterns! I chose the disco affect which meant the table kept changing colour. Yes it was a little pricey and you're certainly paying for these added bits, but it's so worth it as a great experience and great way to stay entertained in case you are on a dull date.

So, back to my date, who was by no means dull. We got along well, chatted about just about everything and found that we had a lot in common including a common interest in movies- infact we had very similar tastes...so after our dinner at inamo, where let me add the staff are so friendly and the food despite being deer was amazing- I had the pomegranate duck!, we decide to head to Trocadero- now not quite sure why, but we didn't want to do a bar, so I thought let's do something a little different. Now, for those of you who don't know, Trocadero is a big video games type centre with pool tables and other fun things where we could act like 12 year olds...after spending about an hour or so playing games, we head home and as we pass his stop, he gives me a quick hug and tells me we will do a movie next week....

In my usual keen style, I wanted to text him straight away and tell him I like him and want to see him again. Is this true? Yes. Did I like him? Yes. Did I like him more than the stupid American Boi who ignores me when he sees me out now for no apparent reason? Yes. Can he replace The One...? No. So I manage to hold off for 3 minutes from texting him, then I send him a message:

Muscler: "Thank you for a nice night, would be good to do it again. See you at Salvation on sunday if not before"
Date: "Yep mate was cool. Yep let's do DVD next week, but i'm only interested in being mates. See you Sunday"

Ok, so a good date but clearly he's not interested...am I doing something wrong? Am I too keen? Anyway tonight is Salvation...maybe I will find my husband there...

The "Straight" Sleaze

2008-08-21T01:04:00.000+01:00

Ok so i've been going to this gym for almost 1 year now. It's quite a straight gym, unlike the gay london gyms mentioned in a previous blog.

And there's a guy i've seen in there several times. My issue with this guy is that he is a complete and utter sleazeball. He somehow knows all of the hot guys and personal trainers in the gym, by first name and they seem to know him too. from hot young guys starting up at the gym where he overpowers them and offers tips and a 'helping hand' through to big muscle guys that he admires and feels up, the guy has awesome taste.

And what these guys don't realise is that he's gay. Yes, it's obvious. I'm not falling for his 'Alright mate, watch the game last night" act that he has going on. He very openly slaps the hot trainers ass, or feels the bicep of the hot blonde rugby player - but how do they not know? Is he a sleazebag? Or just a genius who is fulfilling my fantasy of feeling up all of the hot straight guys in the gym? Either way I don't like him and I want him to bugger off... I mean why can't he just join one of the gay gyms in london rather than going to mine.

Anyway as I sit there looking at Brett, I see him checking out the boys as they pass. He's got a good-ish body, but on the looks front is not my type. He must be about 35 and deserves a good slap in the face....

I then start to think to myself, why isn't he chatting me up? I mean, he's sleazing on all of the hot straight guys....anyway, a short while after, I head to the changing room once i've finished training and that's where it happens. As I'm sat there taking my trainers and socks off, the sleaze strolls over. He's completely naked and as he dries himself he starts conversation:

SLEAZE:"good workout bruvs?"
MUSCLER: I look up nervously to his exposed sausage which is accompanied by a well trimmed bush "yeah not bad"
As I continue to get undressed, he adds:
SLEAzE: "We should train one day innit"
MUSCLER: I generally prefer working out alone

So i'm cold. I'm rude. I'm blunt. I;m not myself, but you've got to be harsh....

So 15 minutes later once i've showered and changed, I head outside and walk along the pavement. I notice a car, and yes, The Sleaze's big head is popping out the window...

SLEAZE:"hey, jump in fella, i'll give you a lift"
MUSCLER: "I'm fine thanks, I need to go supermarket anyway"

This then got me thinking...does he hangout with these guys outside the gym? In an attempt to seduce them? Maybe he even slips them a little something in their drink before attempt to slip them something else!

I plan to avoid this twirp as much as possible....but i'll be paying attention to his techniques!

Tip of the day: Fight fire, with fire...

The Muscler to try Online Dating

2008-08-18T22:40:00.000+01:00

Ok so i'm giving up on The One... i've tried going to all of the main gay bars in London, i've tried the gyms and still no boyfriend. So i'm thinking it's time for a new strategy. Yes The Muscler will be looking for a husband online. Yes over the next week, The Muscler will be setting up online profiles on all of the popular gay online dating personals chat websites...this is where I need your help. I will be setting up a profile on the 5 main gay dating websites. At present I have been recommended:

- Gaydar
- Manhunt
- Fitlads

Therefore I need your suggestions for preferred websites! I will then need your help writing my profile and then we'll go live and i'll provide a regular update of all activity, including the messages that I receive and a rating on the level of husband material messages received.

I mean, most people would say that finding a decent boyfriend/husband via a gay chat website is impossible. But, then again, who hasn't had a profile on one of these websites?

So as i'm sat here in my pyjamas, i'm thinking of a profile name that I can use generically across all of these gay dating websites. I could go with something original like THEMUSCLER or MUSCLER depending on availability - but let me know your thoughts.

It will then go to vote and the profile name with the greatest votes will go live (pending availability) on these main gay dating websites. Sounds fun eh?

The Muscler does London Soho Gay Pride

2008-08-17T21:31:00.000+01:00

Ok so i'm home from Soho's gay pride in London and am currently quite sad. Infact i'm very sad.

I'll run through today's activities. So after a 28 minute run at the gym, i meet Bread Lady and Whitey for some brunch at Café Boheme in Soho before heading to Soho Pride where The Muscler was down to work for Gaydar but declined the opportunity to wear little white shorts and distribute gaydar whistle, simply as I didn't have the balls to do so, especially when id be up agaist Dean and Sweethearts hot bpdies! As we're sat there I see The One walk down Old Compton Street. My face lights up and a smile's delivered to my face as I see his smile...he gives me a big hug and all my troubles flow away as he joins us for a short while before going to meet his friend.

Whitey, Bread Lady and I head to the square after a good club sandwich and some white wine, and queue for 20 mins to enter the green lacking, piss border covered (yes because the queue for the toilet was so long, everyone was peeing around the edges of the square- including women) tacky venue that is soho square. We party amongst gays & lesbians, drink, dance and mingle - yes this is Gay Soho Pride in London. But I can't get The One off my mind. So I text him but hear nothing. After a while I mention this to my friend Nory who has met The One through me several times and knows of our situation, and he says "Oh he just called me, he's outside Profile".... Why is he frickin contacting him though? Am I nothing to him anymore? Anyway i'm clearly jealous and get no response, so we carry on partying and a little while after i send him another message to which I get no response. So a few of us head to Nandos for some protein and then head to Rupert Street bar where we find The One with Nory. Not what i wanted to see. Not that I was annoyed with Nory, I was just a little upset/jealous that The One had been in touch with him and not me. Have I scared him off? Why is he not responding to me but contacting Nory?

So i've decided i'm sad. Infact I am sad. And I have given up hope in The One. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him and it's clear, i'm nothing to him.

Help....I ordered the wrong German!

2008-08-13T00:13:00.000+01:00

Whilst Whitey and Canny get it on, and some smurfs Whitey met earlier in the week are hopping around in the background, I speak with a pair of boys we met earlier that day at the beach. These guys are hot. But they're a couple. As with all couples, there's a hotter one of the 2. Hans, the hot hot one was a toned goodlooking defined smooth lad with brown hair and blue eyes. His Boyfriend, Lars is goodlooking and still hot but not my favourite of the 2. So as we dance, it leads to a kiss with Hans, Lars also dips in for a piece of the action, and then a hot Dominican Republic barman from a local bar- Soap, joins into what ends up to be a 4 way multi-kiss dance. They invite me back to their hotel, but being a good boy that did not want to be bummed by these hot Germans, I declined.

The following day, I think about Hans...may I add that at this point Straighty has left and gone back to London, as he was only there for a few days. So that night, I get texts messages from the couple asking if I want to hang. I think about getting Hans into my swimming pool, cuddling up with him and waking up with him. So i'm at Pacha and as DJ David Guetta plays away, I get a message from the Germans saying that they're passing by and could drive me home. So I leave and head outside, accompanied by bread lady and am disappointed to only see Lars in the car. Yes there's no sign of Hans. "Where is he?" I ask. To which i'm told "He was tired". It's at this point that i'm tempted to inform the driver that this is not what I ordered and that I want a refund, but we jump in the car and he drives us back to the villa. we get back and get into our underwear and jump into the jacuzzi. After a little fondling in the pool we head back to my room, where within seconds I pass out as i' so tired, and a couple of hours later, a disappointed Lars returns to his hot boyfriend.... and the muscler returns home to cuddle up to his teedy bear to keep him arm,...

A trashed man made Waterpark, a Cock Pump, Sex on a Swing and H Snorting...

2008-08-11T23:18:00.000+01:00

ok so here's are a couple more exciting things from ibiza:

Snorting H

Sally and Sassy - I met these sisters at the airport once we arrivedin Ibiza. They are fun, normal girls. And whilst everyone was doing MDMA and coke, they accompanied me doing H (Haribo- candy for anyone who has lived a sad life without haribo) which purely gave us a great sugar rush. We took it maybe a little too far when we attempted to microwave the jelly babies and snort them...but hey ho, youve got to try everything once i guess...

Waterpark

After a hectic night out at space for we love sundays, we head to the ibiza waterpark. After lots of sliding, slipping and getting wet, we head back to the Villa where 6 of the group decided to stay in order to recover from the night before. I'm approached by Leyla, who is clearly still trashed. She is stood topless with a rubber chicken hat on her head whilst Cruella, a close friend of Whitey's who was dressed as Cruella Deville, holds a penis pump up her ass and attempts to pump. Leyla tells me in her trashy state "You guys didn't want to take us to the waterpark, so we built our own waterpark". I look over at the pool, and my grin turns serious as I see 3 sun-loungers in the pool as they attempted to build a slide. When that ddn't work they decided to build a diving board using the table tennis table. You basically had to be there to believe it....

Straighty on a Swing

So the story of me and straighty...basically I won't go into too much detail. But I like him. He's nice and a good guy, but as he has a girlfriend, clearly he's a little confused too. But a kiss lead to a naked dip in the pool, followed by getting naked on a swing followed by rolling around in bed together. And as we're cuddled up naked in bed together, bedsheets over us to keep us warm, strangely Nudie returns from a club, strips off and decides to push his single bed up against ours....not a cool thing to do. And very odd.

Read tomorrow when i'll update you on ibiza including ordering the wrong German to escort me to my villa.

ibiza Part 1

2008-08-11T00:05:00.001+01:00

After arriving in Ibiza last friday night with 9 almost strangers, friends of my friend Whitey, some of whom i've met before, and others who become friends along the journey and the wild week we are about to experience, we choose to have a quiet night on Friday night after arriving at 2am, simply as we know that once the other 6 arrive on Saturday, the real partying will begin. So after a slice of pizza (or 3 in my case) and a couple of cocktails in ibiza town, we head back to our single bedded room that we booked for the evening that was expected to house 10 of us that night. As we, the 6 boys and 4 girls, attempt to spoon eachother in the double bedded room in order to squeeze in, I struggle to sleep and await the morning where we will arrive at the villa and I would have my own bed.

The trip is planned to be a mix of partying and relaxation. Last summer i felt a spark between myself and a guy in Heaven who we'll call Ibiza boy. He's cute with an amazing smile. My friend Norry speaks to him and he returns to tell me that the cute red tshirt boy is straight. He was with a guy and a girl so it's hard to tell. But had he been gay, I know we'd be perfect together.

So after breakfast and a visit to the sex shop , where we admire the large rubber cock attached to the superman apron, our group of 10 head to the villa where we meet the another 2. As we pullup in our hired fancy 2 door fiat to the large black gates, they open wide like Posh Spice's legs and we drive into the paradise that will be our home for the next 7 days. 8 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, a pool, jacuzzi, water fountain and a barbeque, this villa was destined for a week of extreme behaviour.

A friend of Whiteys, Nudie (simply because he spent most of the week completely naked) informs me that we would be sharing a room. Am I scared? A little. Does it make me uncomfortable? Yes. Does it make me wanna jump on top of him when he's naked, slap him around and say " Who's your daddy...say my name bitch!", frankly not...

So I won't be going into each day, minute, meal, club, etc in detail, but i'll sum up the highlights of the week.

So our days consist of your usual swimming in the pool whilst drinking, sunbathing and listening to music whilst drinking a beer, or visiting the beach and drinking, before hitting the clubs. Basically we were all pretty trashed 24-7. and being the lightweight that I am, it wouldnt take long for me to be drunk- afterall,"you know me, half a bacardi breezer and i'll show anything" (special mention to anyone who can tell me where that quote is from...!).

So after a night at El Divino for Hed Kandi, where I was wishing I was at Matinee instead, I get back to find 4 new arrivals in the pool. And yes these new arrivals are my favourites of the bunch and the ones I will be spending most of my time with this week.

Whitey who i've mentioned in previous blogs, is a close friend and genuinely nice guy.

Canny - a new friend who is a friend of Whitey's who is very sweet, funny and almost as intelligent as me. He's also cute which always helps and as for being called Canny- well he's canadian, and frankly, he's pretty canny!

Bread Lady- yes she's already started posting on the blogs. Bread lady is a sophisticated, fun, extremely attractive and hot Holly Valance lookalike with a heart of gold. It's very rare thsat I connect with someone so quickly and with Bread lady this is the case. Despite my attempt to cutback on the carbs though, bread lady takes bread from restaurants, places it in her handbag and distributes it out in ther clubs....i'd much rather a kebab but let's not be too fussy eh.

Straighty - he's a straight lad, goodlooking and a nice guy. As soon as i met him i was attracted to him and I told Whitey this right away, before knowing he was 'straight' - im not sure if it was his good looks, his masculinity or his overall mysteriousness that attracted me to him, but either way i wanted him. He has a girlfriend so this was obviously quite offputting, although whitey felt that this was the attraction for me- wanting something that i couldnt have...yes the want for the unobtainable....

I think it was a theory of Einstein, or maybe it was in a mariah carey song, similar to e=mc2, something along the lines of:

Demand = high if boy = straight + gf + hot + mysterious

There's more about Straighty in tomorrow's post....for now i'm going to go to bed!

Watch this space tomorrow and Wednesday for the next 2 posts with the main highlights of the week include the cock pump story and sex on a swing...plus the muscler introduces his own drug

Oh and after much demand for photos, I have posted 2 of myself. These will be removed in a few hours so have a look while you can so u can get a feel for what I look like...

Do you see me yet?

2008-08-07T08:10:00.000+01:00

So how much do you want to see a picture of the muscler?

There will be some going on, I promise, over the next week...but if you truly can't wait, I featured this weekend in an awful topless picture of a fellow blogger who is on my blogroll. I am amongst my blogger friend, 2 others and I am to the far right....now, enough clues!

Vote for The Muscler

2008-08-06T07:00:00.000+01:00

ok i'm not normally bothered by these things, but hey ho, why not... vote for me on London Preppy's website- simply click on muscler (3rd on the list in the right hand column) since you read my blog =)

So just click here and vote for muscler. Oh and if you haven't read London Preppy's blog, have a read- it's quirky, unique and somehow he has a lot of time on his hands to be able to update it so regularly, I don't know how he does it!

I will be cutting back on my social life very soon though so don't worry you'll be hearing a lot more from me!

Celebs, PencilDicks and Brighton Gay Pride!

2008-08-06T00:46:00.000+01:00

Before posting about my trip to iBiza, I thought i'd fill you in on on Brighton Pride which took place this weekend. Also to note that the reason I have been a little distant is that i've met not 1, but 2 guys. What makes it tougher and harder to write about is that both of these guys are in the public eye. Neither are openly gay.

Celeb A: An actor/model, British. For those of you outside of the UK, you won't know him. He's hot. He has been supportive of gay events but always as a straight supporter. However he is quite open with me and we had a date on the weekend where he was quite open. Infact on a 'celebrity spotting' website, it was mentioned that he was seen at an event with a 'beautiful man' - yes the beautiful man is the muscler...unless he had another date that night!

Celeb B: Singer/Actor - Has had number 1 hits in the UK and top 10 in the US (apologies but not sure elsewhere). He's not out. He's hot. He has a girlfriend who's also in the public eye. But it's clear he only wants to fool around. He doesn't want to bee seen together in public. It won't work.

...anyway enough about my z list celebs...back to Brighton.

2 weeks ago the Muscler was asked by a yummy gaydar representative to walk around in short shorts distributing gaydar merchandise. I pondered potentially doing it, just as the money would be handy, but said I would let them know closer to the time. Since my flight was due to land at 5am that morning and I would need to be in Brighton looking fresh after drinking 12 cans of Redbull in order to stay awake, I decide not to take part. As i wondered around with friends we hangout with the likes of 12 inches, London Preppy and MDMA Mamma.

Brighton Pride for my non UK reads is on of the UK's biggest outdoor festivals celebrating gay-ness. You've got a mixture of families, straight people, gays of all kinds, and bears. Tall, short, fat, thin, muscled, smurfs, bears, you name it! So they're all out celebrating, drinking and partying in a huge park amongst huge club tents, amusement rides and bars.

As we walk around I see The One. Yes he's there, with a very unattractive, spotty, steroidy, pencil-dick, bull-ishing twirp. Yes it's the guy who had bad mouthed me previously. Not only was he beside him but he had his grotty coke scented hands on my man. So I say 'Hi' to The One, and chose to ignore this price. He gives me a huge hug and we talk about stuff...I've missed him, and my feelings for him return. I have to tell him how I feel, again. Yes he's knocked e back in the past, but now with my Ibiza tan and standing next to the beady eyed pencil dick boy, he's gotta want me, but no. He just wants to be friends. Infact I think his exact words were:

"Will you shut it? We're friends, that's it...deal with it".

I'm hurt but he has every reason to say that. He doesn't want me, it's just my thick stupid big brained skull won't accept it.....

So I head back to Brighton, cuddleless as The One potentially is wrapped around pencil dick....

PS: I'd also like to thank Shadow Lounge for the VIP invite to their birthday party and for listing me as a celeb guest and for mentioning my blog. Despite rumours that I did not attend, I was actually there. I simply avoided using my name to avoid giving away the identity of The Muscler.

A cock pump, cruella deville, 2 germans & the smurfs

2008-08-01T16:59:00.000+01:00

Yes i´ve been out of action for a few days and as i´m sat in a sweaty Internet Cafe in Ibiza writing this post, I thought i´d update you on this week which has been a mixture of an emotional rollercoaster, fun and filth. 16 of us in a villa, a ping pong table in the pool, sex on a swing, 1 cock pump, 1 robbery, and a taxi driver (who is also a drug dealer and pimp) are among the key pieces to the messy jigsaw of our trip in this paradise of an island.

I´m back tomorrow with a full update and will have pictures, plus more from Madrid gay pride later in the week so watch this space....

Tip of the day: In response to an anonymous reader in a recent post, everything that I write in my posts is 100% true - should you not believe it, feel free not to read it!

Madrid Part 4/4: The Night I Almost Pregnated Jorge

2008-07-22T23:04:00.000+01:00

Ok so it's Monday and our final full day in Madrid. So we getup early and head to the pool. Unlike other days, there was no queue of hotties and no need to climb fences to get in. Just 'regular' people. I say 'regular' because I wouldn't describe steroid speedo wearing studs as 'irregular'.

So Pretzel and I find an area and lay our towels down. We look around and notice that we're in the bear zone. Yes we're surrounded by bears. And no, not the friendly yogi bear type that would have a picnic basket waiting for me (ideally made up with contents from M&S). No, the hairy big hairy (yes I know I said hairy already, but it needed repeating for the extra layers) bears who have bearish names like Gareth. Yes these bears spend the weekend growing extra hair amongst other things like idolizing over pictures of David Hasselholf's chesthair. So Gareth bends his hairy ass over while he waits for German Hans to poke him with his bush covered spanner. Ok this is a complete exageration i'm sure as they always seem to be friendly, but this is what happens in my head.

So we decide to getaway from the bear zone and conveniently position ourselves next to the 2 hottest guys on ther island. Not only do they have perfect bodies but they are very goodlooking. We introduce ourselves, which made it easy to perve on them. The couple who are from Gran Canaria can only be described as the most perfect couple in the world: Leo- the older one of the 2 is a big muscled guy, he's goodlooking and is in his early to mid 30s. Jorge, the new love of my life, is 27- he has the most perfect body in the world and the most stunning face. He also had by far the best ass i've seen in my entire life. I love him. But as i'm lying there in my Aussiebums, I notice Jorge looking over a lot. Leo picked up on this and starts stroking Jorge's cock through his swimwear- this was his way to tease me and basically say 'he's mine, it's either both of us or nothing'.

So we stay by the pool for a couple of hours and then decide we need a reward for the hard partying we did this weekend. So we head to a buffet. Not your tacky type, a nice fancy buffet with chicken, pastas, salads and more importantly...desert.

As it's our last night we head to Oscar's - a pretentious hotel in Chueca. It has a very nice wine bar so we have a couple of drinks and get a little merry with some fellow londoners. But we decide we don't want to go to a club...until Leo and Jorge walk in. Yes my jaw's dropped and those walking past me are slipping from the saliva that's dripped on the floor. How can Jorge look even hotter with clothes on...? and how is his ass still so perky?

They come and say hello and after a drink decide it's a little dull. So Leo suggests that we go to a club called 'Strong'. Despite Pretzel's mild hesitations, we head to the club with our fellow londoners, the love of my life and his big boyfriend. So we walk in and as Leo and Jorge are Spanish, they don't pay. So I decide to try my luck and give them a line from my iPod Spanish lesson No.1: "Hola me llamo maria" - to which they laugh and tell me "8 euros please". So we walk in and what do we see? Very suspicious looking people. And as Rihanna's Umbrella plays in the background, I look up at the screen expecting to see her sweet face but instead I see people making babies. Yes, there's nude men, aka: gay porn, on the screens. Yes they're everywhere, humping, getting fisted, blowing, you name it. So why did Leo want to come to 'Strong'?

I use my drink voucher to get a free vodka redbull and before taking my 2nd sip, Pretzel heads to the bathroom and i'm grabbed by the hand by my Jorge. Leo is directly behind him. And yes, he kissed me. As we kiss, sparks and pigeons fly, and then Leo decides he wants to have a bit of the action and adds his tongue in the mix. Don't get me wrong, Leo is hot...but I love Jorge. Ok loves a strong word, and considering he speaks zero English, I can't love him. But he does make me smile with his sweet smile...and makes my sausage go hard.

So Leo drags me into another part of the club where i'm accompanied by Jorge. There's cabins and even a wank cinema, but overall the place was seedy with people standing around waiting to get bummed. They take me into a cabin and kiss me again. They then take their clothes off and i'm happy to pull down Jorge's boxers to reveal his perfectly sculpted ass. It feels amazing, better than marshmellows. mmmm. I love marshmellows. My initial reaction is to bite it..so I do. Leo then says "I f**k you yes?", to which I reply no and I attempt to explain my hunt for Mr Right and marriage. He struggles to understand but then offers me Jorge's ass. I'm tempted and am somehow persuaded to let him put a condom on me. But as he bends over with his awesome ass, I struggle to get it in him. I'm nervous and it's gone soft. I have Leo slapping my ass thinking that he's one day going to get to impregnate me, whilst I have the hottest ass bent over in front of me which coincidentally carries a hot body and face (and in my dreams a brain and awesome personality). Leo then spits on Jorge's ass and slaps my ass again and as I look around the cabin with 3 used condoms on the grounds and piss on the floor, I realise the pressures too much- this isn't how I dreamed it and it's not the way I want to do it. I apologise, pull up my jeans up and like a wimp head out.

I get Pretzel, head back to the hotel and have my 4th night of lying in bed alone, cuddlesless and Jorgeless. The next morning we head to the airport and get back to London....

Madrid Part 3/4: It's all about the Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

2008-07-16T22:50:00.000+01:00

We wokeup a little tired today. My head hurts from the vodka so we decide to go to Olivers, a fancy joint for breakfast. Despite preferring to see the city or hang with the hotties by the pool, Pretzel convinces me to go, where i'm somewhat restricted with the breakfast options. Following a 2.5 hour, 3 course breakfast, I meet Whitey and we head to the pool whilst Pretzel hangs with another friend.

As we step off the train we see a queue that would be at least 1 hour long. We decide we need to find another way in, so we attempt to find other entrances. We find an indoor swimming pool with kids swimming and try to blend in with the other parents. As we wave at the kids in the hope that one would call us 'Pappa', we realise that we would end-up getting arrested rather than skipping the queue to the pool. So we leave and attempt to find another way in. That's where we see a fence that over the hill overlooks a seating area for a cafe. Before I could even say "errr..i'm not sure about ....", Whitey is climbing the fence. I decide to go wild and join him. I keep an eye on the security guard and ensure that i'm not in his view and climb over. After landing flat on my face, we head to the pool where i'm finally in heaven.

After a short while by the pool, we head home and get ready for SuperMarche, one of the biggest parties for the weekend. This is at La Riviera which is in an awesome location in Madrid. This is a good sized venue with a good proportion of hotties. We dance and have a few drinks and boogie with hot Spanish hunks. Then the hottest guy ever comes onto the stage...let's call him Carlos.

As I drool over Carlos, I think to myself, will I ever meet anyone as hot as Carlos who also likes cuddles??

So after another hour, Pretzel heads back with his boy and i'm in the club feeling alone. Lots of familiar London faces, but not really anyone I want to be around, or anyone not off their tits to remember hanging out with me. So i decide to leave, jump in a cab and head back to the hotel. As we approach the hotel I see a mini supermarket called Open25 as apparently it['s open 25 hours a day. So how could I not jump out of the taxi? I walk in to see 3 french trannies queuing for microwaveable cheeseburgers. They're surrounded by a group of other french hotties who were heading to Heaven for the Supermarche after party. At this point i''m extremely tired so I grab a bottle of water, pay and leave.

As I step out I drop my room key and it's picked up by a guy. Well not just any guy, he's tall with light brown hair and blue eyes. He's wearing a fitted tshirt and has the most amazing smile. As he looks up at me he passes my room key card and in his french accent he says "you don't want to lose this". He tells me his name is Pierre...before I even realise he's walking me to my hotel as he wants me home safely and would rather spend time walking the streets of Madrid than in a club with his microwaveable cheeseburger eating tranny friends. We get to my hotel where Pierre tells me how much he loves cuddles and how he's often in London. Infact he owns a penthouse overlooking Regent's Park...He kisses me at the doors of my hotel and I go to my room, but for once not alone, but accompanied by a smile on my face thanks to Pierre. I curl up in bed and feel happy....whether or not Pierre is real or a figure of my imagination is unimportant. What is important is that Pierre is out there somewhere, and one day I will find him. And when I do, it will be amazing.

Tip of the Day: Sometimes making up a fake boyfriend is better than having a real one.

Madrid Part 2/4: The Day of Swimming Speedoed Steroid Studs

2008-07-15T22:18:00.000+01:00

After very little sleep, pretzel gets home and we get ready to head to a public pool. Now this isn't your usual verruca covered floor pool, no. It was covered in head to toe hotties...yes! There were 3 pools- a kids pool, an adults pool and a gay pool. Luckily there were no trannies in sight, just buff hot guys in speedos from all ends of the equator.

I decide I don't have the balls to wear the aussiebums mentioned previously, so I attempt to compete with pretzel's fancy skimpy speedos with my white aussiebum swimshorts which come about 10cm above my knee. After forming a London crowd, we jump into the freezing cold pool. I get out and notice wandering eyes around my bits...why ? Because I failed to pay attention in science class at school:

White shorts + H2O = See-throughness + Embarrassment

Luckily I brought the skimpy aussiebums with me as backup and put these on instead.

So it gets to around 4pm and we decide to head back to GayLand Chueca for the main reason that everyone came to Madrid- The Parade! We arrive and are surrounded by shirtless guys, families, trannies, oldies, everything.

The streets are packed, and as we wonder helplessley we hear a crowd of guys on a balcony overlooking the parade. They are drinking and partying shirtless and tell us to come up. At the same time there's a pair of guys on the floor above them telling us to do the same. So Pretzel and I think 'what the heck!' and head up. We have some drinks and hang with the group of Americans. These Americans are quite hot but no hubby material for me. One of the chaps who resembles Peter Andre attempts to feel me up as we all dance and drink on the balcony, but he's really not taking the hint. So we head one floor up to the next party. What I embarrassingly failed to notice, until Pretzel pointed it out, was that I actually kissed 1 of the 2 cute spanish guys whose party this was the night before. It's at that point that I realise that drinking makes people more attractive in a club! And the starter he had the night before wouldn't lead to a main course let alone desert.

As we hang on the balcony of this party, there's a group of guys on the balcony next to me who have rating cards. According to the judges, I receive a 10/10 from the funny guys with the moustache and big ears, a 10/10 from the bear, and 10/10 from the cute normal looking lad.

After getting a little merry from the vodka red-bulls, we decide to head back to our hotel and rest a little before heading to Infinita- the big party for Saturday night. We arrive to a large queue which quickly proceeds into the building. Now the venue has to be the largest club I have been too in my entire life. The size of Wembley stadium, this huge venue encompassed tons of gays and bears. Infact the bears had their own room but strangely found their way to the main floor. Queues for drink tokens before heading to the bar were ridiculously long.

So did I enjoy this club? No! I hate queuing, I hate crowds and so after a short while we decide to put the 50 Euro entry fee down the drain and head home, and I snuggle up in my bed alone...

I have taken tons of pictures in Madrid so these will feature on the blog in the next few days- am just having a few technical hitches...at the moment I only have the one posted which is pretty lame I know...